puakz.badmemories

2006-03-15T01:50:00.000-08:00

Five nights. One in the jacuzzi n pineapple swing. Daylight. 8ball
Queen Astrid park, with a friend. Stayover at 6th Ave. Coke and dad's carribean rum Wake up. find friends in bukit timah
Night. by the river with a friend and Alize Day. back to vj returning equipment
One more at the Esplanade, soul and jazz with the dearest of me homies-Day. Im reciting bamberger's lines with the cast Night. Substation and a decline to an offer for a late night drink, macs with talia Day. island cremery night. planning to watch bike racing at Mandai with brother Day. going for makeup lit lessons night. DXO and zouk day. plan to meet a local producer night. DXO. day. train to kluang night. night out with cousins day. train down to SG night. final few good hours of sleep
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

2006-03-06T02:19:00.000-08:00

those eyes.

when was the last time we spoke?

years back?

and ever since then acknowlegement was at the most a glance

so your aunt asked me

you're close to him?

not nowadays, auntie.

how was he these couple days? was he affected...? anything?

...i don't know.

relationship? conflict? was he unhappy?

your father was in that chair with a cigarette.

he had only taken one puff and let the rest burn away

and your mother had glassy eyes which stared back into the wind.

you were the one who fought with gabriel over a ruthless tackle which sent me into the mud.

but never put me in sight after that scuffle.

8 years ago Jie Long died the same way you did.

you dig up those biting memories that won't leave me alone

so congratulations, you're a biting memory now.

...we'll see you someday, johnny.

2006-03-02T22:49:00.000-08:00

Revisit

i feel like a ghost wavering through a ghost town

what was once

important

academics

film

work

have all shot beyond my wildest dreams

but ive lost everything else

whereby these successes are but the surface

like smiles

and congratulations

praise

nobody really cares to listen

because someone else will say

stay away from contact

don't ruin a good thing

immense regret

numbness

the desire to speak

but the fear of not being heard.

the want to hold on to something

but the fear of catching but wisps of smoke

faces are illusory.

just when everything is drowned in bouts of spirit

the inner wounds open and pours tears into eyes

that dont

blink,

dont cry,

dont show affection,

emotion

and just before they roll down cheeks

they are washed back down with a hastily downed shot

then the rim is dipped into salt again

it starts over

2006-02-12T05:42:00.000-08:00

50

Wah, damn buay tah han.

Yes, this is lim peh back in the scene.

Lim peh kah li kong, puakz's last blog died at the age of 299 posts, lasting a couple of years. Last time that seeginna used freeopendiary.com.

Lim Peh going to the airport tomorrow to China and not coming back to dees place man. PArtly because of the bleddy government lah, but also partly for the chiobus there who my wife said all carry arsenals of diseases.

Aiyah, I'm like, who cares?! I'm going to die soon anyway. Rather die happy then die regret, you say correct or not?

I tell puakz, he's still young, he's now only got 14 years left to live already. Must be like me like that, tio boh? Enjoy life lah!

Aiyah okay deviate a bit too much le. Basically, Lim Peh is not coming back for the time being.

When I leave, this blog will be 50 entries old exactly.

Puakz says that he's drained, too drained to continue anything. Recently he shut off his tagboard and the wishlist. Say he tired.

Nabeh! Nowadays, these gin nas damn boh tuah boh suay! A litter bit here a litter bit there cannot take it already. Kiam pah, man.

He left a letter also! I almost forgot, nah wait a while I read:

"Dear readers.
You have been lucky to see these 50 entries. All of them are longer and more fulfilling then any other entries I've put in other blogs.
It stinks to end off so abruptly. "

Wah cheem man! Wait, still got:

"On the first time you end off your blog, its because there are things that you can't put in it. On the second, you take extra precaution to only let the dearest of yur friends know of its existence."

Damn touching right? Summore:

"On my third, which is this current blog, you find that somewhere along the blog there must be an ending whereby every entry balances everything else. In fact, together with these puakz-badmemories, lights from about 3 or 4 other blogs by those close to me will snuff out, one by one, but in a way, together."

I think he's talking about vernie's and-

"Maybe one thing to look out for is the abundance of easter eggs throughout these 50 entries. You'll know it's for you when, it's for you."

I also left some! Haha cheeky fellow, nv tell me. Nvm I also nv tell him. Seegina.

"That's about enough. To you; dearest of all my friends; adieu.-takes a bow and walks away-"

Wah lan. Left me only. What to do? -takes a bow and leaves-

The lights are off; and now the curtain closes.
The final calls for an encore fades in vain.
The show is over. No more cheers or roses
Will stop the sudden thunder. All that's left is rain.

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

2006-02-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

Motorcycle Journeys
A lot of figures are already on the previous post, so in this one ill post pics and elaborate on them=)

MuoZhenWai was the name of that place. Every household had NDP style fireworks. No shit. When 12am struck it felt as if you're in the middle of all the firing... The view of fireworks far away and NDP size fireworks firing straight up about 3 m away from u is a crazy difference.

I arrived there in the evening after a 14 hour car journey and walked into the shed. The Shed was a wooden hut housing a whole array of tools and miscellaneous materials for a variety of purposes: We slaughter stuff there, build pipe cannons, clean rifles, repair motorcycles, assemble home made fireworks, store chemical dispersion equipment for agriculture purposes, as well as engines of all kinds. Firewood, sheet iron, welding and machining tools and hunting attires all go into the little shed.

The moment I entered I saw my cousin cleaning out the guns. He looked up, gave a smile and gestured to a cupboard where ammo was stored. Chickens meant ammo No. 5, every shot spits 100 or so small steel bearings in a conical fashion. Evening's when the chickens come out to feed before roosting.

That evening we couldn't find a single chicken. We brought one rifle in and a net.

We drove deep enough to end up in some kind of swamplike area, then we netted a huge turtle. It's huge... Later on we would go back to the shed and slaughter it. Fellas the following pics will be pretty disturbing. I must stress again that in this place, people are not morbid or anything. In fact, they only kill enough to feed the family. The people there behave like the Bakkhai in a sense- the atmosphere is one of truth and joy, savage killing and eating but not unnecessary violence against animals or men. Unlike city dwellers, they don't purposefully stamp on cockroaches when they see one. Please skip the next 2 pics if you find them distasteful.

The shell was removed from the body first with a small incision. The trick to letting the turtle not feel any pain is to make the cut this way without puncturing any organs.

Then it was separated into the main muscular section, the pile of intestines, liver, lungs and heart, and the shell.

Later on the organs will be gently removed as a complete pile away from the edible flesh. Whatever the turtle is feeling can be seen in its heart- If its in pain it dies immediately and the heart ruptures.

Here, we witnessed the heart pumping gently, slowly fading off, over the next thirty minutes or so. Then it stops, and we put the remains in the shell, drive into the jungle and bury it. The shell is not sold to be made into jewellery. People there believe that the shell is like its dignity- it is to be respected.

Get a better picture now of the guys living there?

Every day there were 2 banquets for everyone to come- indians, indonesian plantation workers, the chinese, the Malays, or any hungry highway traveller. The one at night was held in a makeshift multi purpose hall which was also an old fashioned fire station.

That night was the eve of the new year. Some people build a hot air balloon, and anyone could sign or write love messages on it. The hot air balloon would be driven very quickly by the wind out of sight, and every kampung would let off the balloons, one after another.

I deftly left a signature with my other cousin Kenny before liftoff.

We waited, waited, waited. 12 am, all homes around erupted with gunfire and fireworks, as far into the distance as I can see. this will last for hours, over the next 15 days or so, but most intensively in these 3 days. Everyone had a ring in their ears.

Then we saw a signal in the distance; a speck of yellow light floating away. A kampong a few kilometres away had released theirs... And we released ours.

The building in the background is the makeshift fire station.

Before going to sleep cousin gave me news that our stock of grenade charges for our little mortar pipe can't reach here from KL. He contacted a few guys from the black market for bullets and mortar blanks.

The next morning I took my darling out for a ride.

ACX 8953 was my lover for a while. All kinds of terrain. It went hunting, riding, speeding, bumping, ridin with me everywhere I went.

I even bought her a new headlight!

On occasions she had a browning 12 gauge strapped to the side and a parang on the other.

I love her.

One day I shall write a book! It'll be about my bike. Every new year I go back I clean it up. When I get a Ninja zx9R ill even blow her candles!

I took her really deep into the forest for hours and hours, past plantations of all sorts. Then I reached my little garden of Eden- A long stretch or road going north into the horizon, trees on both sides, nothing but green, all alone. There was an occasional truck hauling fuel or tonnes of oil palm but that was it- I'm pretty much on my own. I stayed there with my bike for hours, with Jay's yi lu xiang bei playing over and over and over.

One day I'll bring my darling there... I'll teach her how to ride and we'll both listen to yi lu xiang bei! Haha. Or I can turn gay, and I'll bring HIM to the place!

Hunting we shall go again. Cousin and me used the usual 4-round 12 gauge semiautomatic browning rifles.

I couldnt bring the camera there. On the rocks I could scarcely keep myself on the bike, much less carry a camera along. I have a newfound respect for frontline war photographers...

I did contemplate strapping the camera underneath the gun barrel as well.

30 minutes into the jungle and we've spotted a whole group of chickens, at close to impossible range. My cousin tried a slow approach but then they started running so he drove and passed me the rifle while i fired once from the bike. The recoil left an instant bruise on my shoulder and left me stunned for a moment. The recoil pushes your whole face out and up, so I didn't see what I hit, but cousin said that I hit one. I went down to grab the chicken from the thick undergrowth... right into a gigantic spider web. Familiar with those 1-line spiderwebs which catch your face? This is a full size web and i swear it was difficult walking through it, you can feel a sticky force pushing you back and stretching. Damn gross. It stuc everywhere, particularly my hair. Freakin ruined. But nonetheless, I got my chicken.

We rode some more and then he sighted a rooster- Roosters are the hardest to hit because they are faster, more alert, more aware of their surroundings. He aimed, and in that split second he pulled the trigger the cock flew a few metres away. A flash here, a flash there and my cousin emptied 2 or 3 blind rounds, one after another. Moments later the cock entered a huge hedge in the distance and we lost it.

15 minutes or so and we spotted a hen. The thing about hunting chickens or boar is that the prey is much better suited to run and hide than we can catch up. From tree to tree, brush to brush, they're damn clever. I'm not exaggerating when I say that certain skill is needed to get the prey where you want at the right time.

Cousin gave me a signal to leave the bike. No speech, chickens recognise it as danger, just like the motorcycle engine. He drove off, and I was in a half kneeling position, aiming at 4 possible spots the chicken might appear. I could see movement behind a tree.

Moments later there was a loud revving from my right, a firework went off and the chicken flew left into the middle of a small clearing.

In the jungle, there's no such thing as trapped in a corner. Trapped in a little clearing, yes.

The gun jumped and knocked my glasses off but not before I saw the chicken change inertial direction in mid flight.

He picked up the chicken this time and I drove him to a huge prawn farm he owns in the plantation.

We saw an eagle in the sky. Then at the farm we saw a few swamp birds which fed on prawns.

I didn't see him raise his rifle but moments later a bird took flight and got a tailfeather shot off in mid flight from some distance out.

Later we would fish in a little natural pool and catch two niluohongs.

There's a difference buying food home and hunting food home.

When you hunt, there's a sense that this is t feed everyone.

I took immense pride in holding the loot home, but it would be wierd if I held two fish with a hunting rifle stuck on my back wouldnt it=)

In the evening I went for another solo journey with my bike. I went onto the old highway up north for about 2 hours or so at top speed(~120kmh?)

I saw a marvellous sight- A huge roadside open air movie screen playing some indian stuff and a whole load of indians were watching it out in the cool night air. There was a snack seller as well selling goreng pisang if im not wrong. There were close to 30, 40 indians with motorcycles, presumably highway travellers who wanted to take a rest and some entertainment here.

I lost the photo of that one, but it was in the night and was so pitch dark that only the screen illuminated everything.

How ironic! In the city, we build theatres to keep it dark and air con to keep it cold. There, it's pitch dark naturally with cold forest air.

I drove up into the crowd of Indians with their bikes to watch for a moment. Nobody frowned. It was fantastic. All the highway people were huddling together and nobody minded a young Chinese boy in the middle of loads of Indian adult men.

Then I rode home and halfway back the motorcycle started losing power. We were running on fumes. Then I ran out. To conserve the battery power I switched off my bike's headlights and tried to wave down vehicles, someone with hopefully a bit of petrol to spare.

Someone did, but still not enough. I was able to barely make it to a petrol kiosk before the engine died. Here I left the cam on timer mode and wanted to take a pose holding the pump at a station with 2 pathetic pumps- But realised that the pumps were both locked. The owner's asleep.

Shit.

In the end I was able to buy 3 ringgit of petrol from a guy living opposite the station. "Next time at night come here, I sell you."

He sold petrol in beer bottles. Like, molotovs?!

3 ringgit of petrol there could fill up half my tank. I rode comfortably back home.

The next morning I took the deepest ride ever into unexplored territory. I started out before the sun was out and ended riding close to 11am. Then I saw, in the middle of nowhere, a horrific structure-

What the hell! The structure had a huge 15cm thick steel blast door painted in black. Curiosity pushed me to investigate. The door had a smaller door in it, presumably for the person inside to look out. It was unlocked, I opened the peephole cautiously.

A tiny room. It was dark and there was machinery whirring inside the structure. Then the oddest of things- An armoured window which let a little natural light in, a table made of concrete, a gaping hole in a wall partition separating the room from the main building with cables spilling out.

And guess what, yet another blast door inside leading to a passage, similar to the one I was taking pictures from. It was open. I couldn't see what was inside, the next picture was taken with flash.

It was astonishing. There was no other way in except for those double blast doors. In the middle of nowhere- Like a patch of forest was suddenly bulldozed to build this monstrosity.

Could it be the REAL Atomik Jaya?! lol yish if you're reading this yes, I was then thinking about your group piece!

My best guess is that it's an armoury of sorts, maybe a post for stocking weapons and ammo. Or its a blank target for the malaysian air force.

I went back with pictures and stuff but when I drove my dad in I couldnt remember the right track to turn to already.

Next I got my bro and me into a rubber plantation to set off some homemade charges he's been fiddling at. It was impossible to take a picture of the moment when the explosion throws clumps of dirt into the air but here:

yet another act seh picture(after various failed attempts at capturing the explosion flares.

Night came, we took out a homemade mortar pipe and placed charges in it after obtaining them frm the guy my cousin called. It cost 70 dollars for 20 rounds of blanks. Later on we would set up a cardboard target and fire broomsticks(which fit perfectly into the pipe) at the targets. 10m away, you never saw the broomstick flying, all you see is a thunderous explosion, a huge muzzle cone, then tonnes of smoke and the person carrying the cannon reeling from the recoil, the broomstick has gone right through the cardboard. The cannon was probably 8kgs. Again I took short clips of the explosions themselves but i cant put them here. Here's a pic of an aftermath tho:

(SHIT! I've reached some sort of picture limit? I don't know.)

Later on I would have fired a broomstick into a tree, never to be found again. We switched to glass ball munitions and shot off a medium sized branch of a tree and left a perfect hole when we shot one through a huge pile of garbage. It was hilarious.

Then a 14 hour journey, I'm back here and Whoalla. Huge culture shock.

2006-02-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

I'm back!

Wow that was tempting, I so wanted to continue with the authentic start of the Bakkhai...

Folks, puakz is back in SG after 5 days of uncivilised life.

Here are some numerical facts before I proceed on to details and uploaded images on the next post! Coming up soon, after grops, prolly.

1463.1- kilometres travelled by car from here to Perak and back

364: Number of stars counted on the second night, while stuck out of fuel in the middle of nowhere

78: Number of 40mm blank charges fired across the local village river

20: Ringgit of fuel bought for 2 motorcycles, full tank refuelling costs 5 ringgit.

5: Estimated average hours of sleep since journey start to end, per day.

28: Estimated amount of time spent on car journey to Perak and back.

3: 12 gauge, No. 5 live rounds fired.

14: 12 gauge, No.1 live rounds (slugs) fired.

2: Bottles of Carribean coconut rum consumed. Homemade Pina Colada

2: Wild chickens shot and killed.

~6: wild chickens sighted.

2: NiLuoHong fish caught by fishing rod

1: Freshwater turtle caught by net

30: Estimated minutes freshwater turtle heart continued beating after sparagmos. Video clip on that.

2: Browning hunting shotguns used, 12 gauge, semiautomatic 4-shot capacity(+1 in chamber)

3: Max number of pillion riders carried at one go, 2 cousins and a brother

90: Estimated total amount of ringgit spent

4: Ice balls consumed.

270- kilometres travelled solo on my Yamaha motorcycle. (Guess the plate number and you'll stand to receive a prize)

15- Estimate total number of cans of 100 Plus and shandy consumed.

5- max cartridge load of 40 mm cannon(pictures and a video clip.)

6-relatives (incl. me and my brother) suffering from motorcycle exhaust burns, fireworks related injuries etc.

110- percentage enjoyment

2006-01-25T07:07:00.000-08:00

This isn't

exactly a very good time to blog. There's tons of work, I have to finish an entire script in a single night.

Mr Dominic Chua called up for a podcast upload of DOGMA95. Wow, I told him that was antique stuff! But it's for ViVid anyway.

Honestly, if ViVid were to contain the icomp videos, then I predict that Vivide would die off in 2nd half of 2006.

I'm not looking down on our juniors- nor am I saying that no one else is capable of creating anything that could be comparable to what we have and are doing in the entire history of VJC.

From headhunts and surveys and name lists and queries on 'multimedia-related assets' alone, there was, out of a rough gauge of 200+ new students, only one guy who's ever touched film. On further examination, his experience with film was acting in it.

It is simply worrying. The caliber of the current students in iComp are for web designing, photoshop, programming(there was only one programming student in the new batch of 30-40 icomp members), and the rest had practically zero experience.

Its sad.

I should suppose that smarter students interested in film actually went to Nanyang instead.

I'm implying that I'm stupid, yes.

A lot of frenship related problems nowadays as well. Listen man, when I tell u I'm the hub, I AM the hub of info, don't challenge me on that. Surprise me with the subject matter and I'll shock you with the details, so if you want to keep anything down, just keep it down.

My angel wrote to me today! I'm very happy. AhhhhH! but my mortal nv write to me. I've just wrote him a second letter. If he doesn't reply again then heck, it wouldn't matter, I'll just keep pestering him with loads of food=) I'm a faithful angel.

When you listen to David Gate's Aubrey,

you just feel like all the problems you have concerning relationships are so so so trivial. The relationship itself is more important than anything else.

I should know, we lost contact for 2 years deliberately until I said hi. And then, I cried like nothing mattered when I found out that you've forgotten and forgiven what happened 2 years ago.

It's a painful 2 years I wish I never had to relive again. So, (you know who u r), I've decided to forgive and forgo in the short time period of a little oer 2 hours.

Otherwise, there's always another road I could take. Run away from everything and start all over as a simple boy, with a skateboard and friends of all sorts, no females and no films and no bullshit and no KFC ad....

The simple life is really tempting when you're overhyped at this kind of age.

Its as if my teenage years have been blended into a mess with actual working life. There was no clear distinction when was when. I'm completely jealous of pple like Talia. Simple, beautiful lives. she's convinced me that life can be enjoyable when you don't pursue what you would like others to be envious about. Just live your life.

But I still like film.

2006-01-21T07:23:00.000-08:00

Ethereal

My tag boards going nuts, viewership for The Lift is 300 and rising, CoSiety's gonna rock in less than 24 hours, Rouge is kinda in full swing, my group has just decided more or less to scrap for the 4th or 5th time and we're beyong panicking so there's an ethereal calm over everyone. We're gonna trash up the juniors when next week starts. And my sound piece is in full swing too, so is the next UrbanDust series of productions by my crew=)Someone watched The Lift on ViVid:
Alon Says:

January 21st, 2006 at 5:20 pm
Cool! nicely made =) the soundtrack is great too, is there any way to get it?

And I remembered Sean! Holy cow. I miss working with that guy.

Yesterday I had the most mind-boggling incident in my life ever. It was so unbelievable, my grandchildren will think I'm having brain deterioration if I ever share it with them. Or Alzheimers(is tt the way to spell it) Today morning was subsequently very... ethereal. Even the sunlight seemed fake- Unbelievably bright in the morning and then unbelievably cool spectrums closer to noon. Just like the perfect morning after.

I can't write it here though fellas.

Blogger is going nuts too so I'll update at a better time. Ciaoz=)

2006-01-16T07:18:00.000-08:00

The Lift: Pre-Release

Very recently Colin told me that a lower-quality version of The Lift will be put up on the new vjc 'bitchin blog'.

I forgot all about it until makoto reminded me of it this afternoon.

Well people, it's out and here's the low-res version of it=)

http://web.vjc.moe.edu.sg/dept/it/wordpress/category/vivid/

In to purchase an original DVD copy of The Lift? well leave me a mail or sms or call at 91873389=)

2006-01-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

Timothy

HAHA TIM YOU'RE DEAD IM GOING TO BITCH ABOUT YOU NOW!

Nah just joking.

Dude.

Okay so some 55 people thought of an idea- put on sec sch uniforms for a day!

Okay i panicked. shit. I dun have any DHS shirts left.

My DHS shirts left are scrawled all over with signatures and stuff, so hell.

Thats not too bad is it? Well, I was telling that to myself, until I stepped into 24 Hours.

Tim. in a pinafore. Having a heated debate with the rest of the fellas in the room on whether he should fold the pants up.

This is one of the situations which guarantee that students put VJC as a top choice JC year after year.

Oh, and how much work into putting the strip of cloth around to show the waistline and enhance the boobs!

But, what better way to take a photo when you're already a nut?

Simple!

Take it with another nut.

OH NO!

Upon careful observation, we find that Tim's knickers are showing!

Hence. A quick correction by a huge team of stylists.

Revealing the hairy legs of a pinafore-clad school. In a last attempt to protect the name of the school the uniform belongs to,

At least the knickers don't show no mo'.

Yet another nutty take!

But the nuttiness has yet to unfold.

Because our model here in pinafore decides to go to the canteen in it!

Holy cow, this guy is way beyond comatose.

He's prolly sedated for the job man!

But. before the grand entrance into the canteen-

our lead takes a pee.

Skirt up, fly open, and let the cannon holler thunderous brine!

Haha okay just before we walk into full view of canteen folks, forward scouts steph and company sights Mrs Chan sitting right there at the canteen table.

Goodness, Tim instantly woke up from the trance.

So, we saved the day. We prevented countless instant intestinal haemorrhage as well as the manifestation of stomach ulcers in the canteen-dwellers.

Oh and tim, thanks for all these tiny surprises. Really. you da man, man=)

Laughter so gay, it warps the lens of the camera.

2006-01-11T19:21:00.000-08:00

Doolan

School isn't as bad as I thoughT! Hell i love my new lit tutor Mr James Ho. Brings in the magic of it all. What a two sided guy too- a family of American bike lovers and on the other hand he's a Lit teacher.
Whoa=)

The VS principal too- Mr Low Eng Tiong- a single 45 minute session in his speech yesterday to the whole of Victoria Hall, and I've already decided that this is one guy I'll truly have respect for. The speech seemed to be straight out of the president's speech in Independence Day: Outright motivating, filled with passion, drive, determination. No one has been so downright frank and "bureaucratically unaffected" ever since my stay in the Hall, and I don't know how to describe it, but the applause after he spoke wasn't just loud, it was thunderous with passion.

Viva le Salut.

Now I know why the VS guys are so stuck together. They've got a leader who really share every part of their lives.

"I will not hesitate to swap roomates to observe the effects of moving people around on the matter of stolen item(s). If this is the trouble that I'll have to take I'll do it..."

The Dunman High Principal I've been with for 4 years in my tenure at DHS never really gave much of a damn.

I'm sure that I did not say this out of personal reasons.

Look at the students of VS against students of DHS. Year after year VS boys live in VS as VS boys. They go to VJC or anywhere else and there, they're still VS boys.

How about DHS students?

When I came to VJ I was ashamed.

I guess many are and don't voice it. See how quickly DHS people quickly merge and blend into their surroundings.

Some people couldn't believe that I was ex-DHS. Practically everyone who nv saw me in DHS uniform thought I was an ACS or VS guy.

So my argument is hardly unsubstantiated, isn't it?

I'm happy for all the DHS people who got liberated after the Os. Countless ex-DHSsers sms or contact me telling me how different it is. That they've finally been really, really happy. That the relationships with friends and teachers/mentors are real.

If I put it this way, in Dunman High, we're not cultivated. We're a bunch of manufactured students, on an assembly line by machines which only want to be polished brighter than they really work.

Okay enough alma mater bitchin' moanin' and whinin'.

Now I came to VJ today with stacks of Beckett, Fugard and Stanislavski.

Eight thick books.

It was drizzling and I'm pissed disrespecting written theatre, some of which I don't understand, being slowly destroyed by rain.

Anyway, Ursa was having a house meet, so there.

Jolene came up after the meet was over with Hui Qing.

We were having a discussion in getting iComp to produce a mini documentary for EarthWatch, possibly for publicity purposes. Which is perfectly fine- a pretty interesting and workable concept, a structure with lots of potential for humour.

"Yeah it's good, but I can't make decisions to accept or not- you'll ultimately have to get the go ahead from my boss in icomp. Here- Ivan's number."

After all, he's the producer.

Ryan came plodding up and at the mention of Ivan, "Oh Ivan! I know him!" which is still fine.

Then for no reason at all, Ryan said-

"I heard that you don't do anything in icomp."

The stun hits you first. I was giving him the Jack Shepard look of disbelief. Utter disbelief amidst the irritating laughter to follow up.

Who the fuck do you think I am?

The last time it was my "icomp teacher I/C" and halfway through a discussion about SVA and Panasonic competitions I'm handling, Ryan publicly told her

"Sack him, he doesn't go for icomp."

That time I smiled and let him off because I thought he just made a really bad joke.

I didn't want to make you a public embarassment right there in front of BOTH the seniors and juniors and so I just took your insult with a shrug.

But let me tell you, you are -this- close to having your face bashed in with your brains sqooshing out from your ears like wet cement=)

Don't worry, I won't bash you because I need my hands clean to make good films.

Oh and appearing on TV last year does not make me a "media whore".
"Media whores" are people who boast about their achievements, however insignificant, in pursuit of attention.

They create failed landscaping experiments, such as the "Balinese" one smack in the middle of the whole fruitcake mess the Concourse has become, and expect attention from Icomp videographers to put that ugly shit on the plasma screen.

Recently I saw workers lugging away chunks of shit from there because of mosquito breeding and the bits of "Balinese ornamental" stone are all overgrown with mildew.

Talking about Balinese ornamental. The Balinese don't use clover-shaped stones. Those stone clovers on the grass are symbols native to the Irish Celtic. A symbol of Saint Patrick. Christian symbol of the Holy Trinity. Also known as the "Shamrock of Ireland."

Trust me,it's as Balinese as my fragrant Singaporean ass, and it's as useless as... I don't know.

If you can't handle your landscaping works professionally enough to even get noticed, don't tell me I'm a "Media Whore" when I'm on CNA, Ch8, interviews, adverts, magazines etc. Believe me I don't pay for these things.

You wanna know who's a Media Whore, Mr Su?

It's you. Except that nobody wants to screw you.

Go fuck yourself, stupid.

Okay that's quite some bitchin' in a long time. I hate to deal with assholes time to time. catharsis du typographie.

Anyway, recently there's a lot of requests for VJC 2005 films and SVA competition material.

For people who want:

The Lift- Please wait for the DVD edition, around the time when the SVA results are announced. Feb/March. There will be a tentative public screening.

TSD PublicP- You will sadly have to pay. 3 DVDs.

TSD OpenHouse Video- You will need to pay for the CD.

Teacher's Day '05 Video- Due to copyright materials used (Google Earth and Oasis music) Mr. Robert Yeo will hold a copy until permission is obtained from proper authorities.

Dogma 05- only crew/cast editions. 2 have been passed already.

Rouge 06 MusicFest Publicity- Animation logo will only be available after MusicFest, or on earlier date if Student's Council permits. Free distribution. Small enough to be emailed (~15mb)

Drama Nite, Music Fest, Piano Ensemble, Choir performances- Film extraction is still pending. Please approach Ivan.

IP Open House/Mass Dance MTVs/01 Orientation 2006 videos- Not for Distribution.

Leave me a written note on orders please. Or an email. puakzfaction@hotmail.com
I'll try to get back to you. As always, talk to me about any productions you might be interested in.

Just no faggots allowed.

Jesus. Grant me homophobia.

2006-01-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

Sound Check

For a day I decided to screw off all hip hop, all modern shit and lay back on some uncategorized rock.

I slipped in Sound Check: A collection of the best of the best by artists stuck between the transition from boybands to modern rock; very oasis-like but pretty low profile.

Happy songs! Happy, happy songs.

Semi Charmed life by Third Eye Blind
Take a Picture by Filter
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
Only God Knows Why by Kid Rock
Good by Better than Ezra

well, i wouldnt remember these artiste names but their songs, hell yeah=)

It's a little like putting down your rifle in the frontline of a war and taking a vacation into beautiful unexplored territory not yet cartographed shooting with nothing but a camera.

ah well but who am i to talk about music? i'm scarely qualified.

I finished watching the whole second season of Lost! WHEE! anna i bet u're eating holes out of your pants now.=)

and yes it's Sea Regatta tomorrow! well well. the one last year was... memorable. *wink*

i didnt get to send sheena off. dammit. that means that i'm prolly seeing her mid years, then end of year, then thats it, we'll not see each other again cos of NS and cos of erm, yeah, we just wun see each other again.

dang.

kai.

and when your walls come tumbling down
i'll always be around

it's not your fault man.

Group piece is moulding into shape. i've got to find hamlet and lear urgently. shiit.

oh and even my m'sian relatives and the freakozoids saw the freakin ad. i'm now fucked beyond belief...

shiiiiiiiit.

well im feeling pretty in tt SoundCheck mood now. not exactly bleak, not exactly happy, not exactly neutral either. maybe one day ill look at this entry from a diff point of view and laugh at myself.

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

i watched Lord of War too. Nicholas Cage.

In group meeting online today I used the word:
comprehensionable
while under the effects of a lot of Sheridan.

There are so many people who tell me, like its an achievement, how they got a bottle of Bacardi breezer or premixed tequila or rum or beer or a shot o' gin bourbon or other shit and got drunk on that and what rubbish they did after ingesting those volatile substances.

rubbish.

i look at some of them in the eye or imagine them breaking their alcohol virginity and i tell myself-

these guys are still boys.

and no, baron's strong brew wont make you a man either. i don't care. you take a drink for the drink you're still a pussy.

real men dont drink if they know it drowns them.

so dont worry, i'm as pussy as some of you are=)

The episode whereby John Locke has a flashback of anger management classes just echoes in my head.

Oh and fellas, that's in Lost Season 2=)

2006-01-06T05:31:00.000-08:00

Briefly, 11 days

im not prepared to go back to VJ.

Freaks met ard Xmas.

haha liqin is going to VJ I CANT WAIT honey=)

John and Ivan and me are chionging the video

We ate Suki Sushi. John and Vernie are discussing alien stuff. The VS guys were all niaoing me abt -ahem.-

John says good job to us but I look at him and how he's affected by the load on his shoulders in V26.

What i did is so little compared to this guy. John, good job to you.

The Esplanade new year fireworks are beautiful=)

So are u=)

And so are my shoes now all muddy.

Sheena touches down. I only get to see her once before shes going off again to Melbourne

JayPeg Boxes incident was hilarious

Damon and I spent a night out

We checked out the Heeren Balcony.

And his favourite stall is gone

So we ate Thai stuff

With Heineken

talking about all of 2005, alcohol, females, lifestyles and ambitions etc etc

And the smoothness of beers/coffee.

I land my ass in the hostel and

my city-view room had a fuckin PRC livin in it
dad was with me he said the f word to the naked guy inside.

The hostel is such a big fuck up

it would have been better off run by VJC students, the fuckin matrons aren't half as competent.

i made a total of 2 calls to the hostel manager, and 4 calls to Peter and the matrons.

I shall not elaborate because such petty stuff just arent worth my time mulling over. To think the matrons are so childish.

Every night i wash and iron my only set of uniform left

Mum is getting damn jumpy at the fact that i dont have uniforms

she doesnt trust tt my frens are that committed to help me out.

she talks to me so loud tt vernie could hear it METRES away while i was working on Project Rouge.

oh and rouge is extremely cool! Ambigrams? It's nothing. 3D Ambigrams? well, innovative but still not impressive.

How about animated 3D ambigrams?

haha.

I love these kind of work. Academics are useless.

(After seeing a sheet of paper with vector/HYPERNURB calculations, vernie asks: "Why are you failing math?")

Because the math we learn is fuckin useless, thats why. ask anyone. wads useful? Algorithms. Simple equations. vectors and geometry.

So many people watched The Lift w/o me knowing!

they want copies.

Everytime I make a film i walk away knowing i'll have to make a better one because this one isn't good enough.

But The Lift is a benchmark=)

01 looks fun I miss it

Meet the juniors!

Tisha is in my junior class. Bobbie's all over her!

(there's something i cant blog about here, but it happened.)

Then CT junior/senior meets.

Why cant we just... be nice for a while, like, do sth dumb to entertain them instead of playing with their feelings to entertain us?

It was a mess.

Juniors we're very sorry.

Bananas to the dunmanians

sum of them are so toot!

Liqin loves 01 like mad=) way 2 go! wait till sea regatta and clubbin, girl.

im assigned to a empty 4-bed room! woohoo

Guard stopped me at the school gate. no wearing blacks to walk into school. Says it's a new order by Tan You Wee. I say okay, next time ill wear uniform- this guy ask me go home change then come to school.

Puakz stops, places his feet together, then gives a John Locke look to the guard.

"Jit liap kiew mah si ai teh yi peng kao peh kao bu char see lang, tia yi kong wei oo yong ah, oo zhua ji giah si boh? Nabeh, lim peh kio le cho si mi le to cho si mi, tia lim peh eh uay confirm buey loogi one, okay?!"

anw translate tt urself! anything written in english can get me expelled.

Of course the guard dunno!

haha

i talked to youngster about my piece.

Thanks young! enlightening guy=)

kai got her overdue Xmas surprise. plan backfires

I so want her to step out of those boundaries set by her family etc with an outrageous surprise but well.

I still owe Qin her stuff. dang. busy.

Makoto finally gets his chemical brothers back

Tim still hasnt got quotations, so I'm getting one from siglap.

Im gonna boast to Damon i've got a cover girl in my junior class=)

CREW FOR ME!

damn doolan stuff not worth mentioning cos they're petty but accumulatively they are ultra pissifying

"i'm fine dealing with large problems like film projects, but please dont bog me down with irritating tasks like laundry mishaps."

2005-12-30T11:27:00.000-08:00

Sister

Peepur ah u all got miss me not?

Yah this is the Lao Siao Kia back in business, after a sibeh long trip to Batam and back.

Recenty ah I heard puakz's confessions. Nabeh he in SG more hiong then I in Batam and Bintan ah! I at first accherly dun belief him one, want to bet rambutans with him who lose who tok tiao their beauties, budden this time this fella serious leh.

He sin like free sia. I tot that fella teh SG nothing to do KKYLP but this time he serious drink less but still damn buaya. More buaya than usual.

Aniwae I heard about his sister whole holiday in the home damn cho boh lan whole day ji seow her brother.

So I listen to him, then I write down lor. Recently got movie call Chronicles of Niangniang or something, so got class abit I shall call dees pees of l33terature the

Chronicles of XiaoGuNiang

Episode 1 (Play Imperial March.wav)<-- this is ahbeng HTML.

Puakz say he 830 want to wake up. He tell his sister 830 wake him up.

Sister wakes him up once at 830 but then he very tired so he say, "okay dun disturb me."

Sister from 9am start nonstop karcheow his sleep.

She come in scream in his ear to wake up in all the languages she knows.

"Qi lai lah!"
"Wake up lah!"
"Ki lai lah!"

Then she uses imagery.

"Lazy Pig"
"Pig Head"
etc

Then puakz locks her out after telling her to "**** off lah!!".
A while later, he dunno how long cos he tired, he hear keys jingling outside the door.
Sister tries at least 6 keys to get the right one. Puakz spends the period of time listening to jingling keys until she finally opens the door.

Sister comes in with forcedly amplified laughter directed into puakz' ear

Puakz tells her to "**** off u ***** dun ****ing disturb me can not?!"

So sister goes away.

Puakz goes back to sleep.

He never hear sister purposefully quiet footsteps into the room

Then a alarm clock rings right in his right ear and he jolts up to see sis hovering a ringing alarm clock there. Sister has a crazed look on face.

He gives her a verbal warning and she leaves.

Puakz goes back to sleep

Then he jolts up again later to find an alarm clock by his ear. Sister has the same crazed look

Puakz cannot take it, grabs the alarm clock and flings it away until it hoot the cupboard and disintegrates into little pieces.

Sister submits damage report to parent and puakz is told to buy her a new pink hello kitty alarm clock.

Episode 2 (Play YodaFartSong.wav)

Puakz wakes up disturbed by bouncings on his bed to see sister and her half-canadian half-philipino friend sitting and bouncing and laughing on the edge of his bed.

Sister shouts not to roll over so he doesn't.

Puakz gives a groan of tiredness.

Puakz hears words like "$28 please" and "Shuffle Community Chest" and "Haha you go to jail you will stay there forever"

Puakz moans because they are literally playing monopoly behind his back with retarded and highly negotiable "house rules" the two lil buggers recognise.

He crawls off the edge of the bed, collects his clothes and is about to bathe when the buggers pack up and sister says, it's okay we'll let you have the bed, you can go to sleep. We can always play somewhere else.

Episode 3 (play SeriousSidius.wav)

Puakz wants to go to bed. It is slightly over 1 in the morning and puakz switches on the lights to see toys of various species placed in circular arrays around plastic pots and teacups on the bed and on the floor with a blanket as a picnic mat.. his blanket

Puakz is suddenly very tired.

Sister says, don't touch, they're having a picnic. She trottles off to bed and says a general good night to the barbies and soft toys and sony AIBO lookalike.

-****ing indoor picnics at demonic times of the day with demonic artifacts are simply gay.-

Puakz does not jump into bed because Sister has used some butter knives the toys are supposed to use to eat playdough which looks like shit

On the floor there is a pile of staples which is supposed to be dog feed. There's a soft toy Nemo puakz got for her from UK last year and its eating dog feed

She has filled some of the cups with water.

Puakz removes the cups and rolls up his blanket, currently a picnic mat with the toys inside like pohpiah

Then he just feels screwed over, salvages a pillow and goes to the couch to sleep.

Later in the morning at about 8 he is rudely woken up by bawling...

Lim peh ka li kong, these are only stuff concerning sleeping-related issues only. Puakz like quite buay tahan that little girl, he ask me help him a bit. I ask him how. He say ask me go act as karung guni man then he can threaten Sister "i'll sell you to the karung guni man".

I say I so sexy the sister wont mind he say then I pretend to be a butcher or something to mince that kid into a giant sausage or something.

Basically, he damn doolan now cos he no time to buy hello kitty alarm clock. Damn cheebilised. Then just got reminded cheerfully by the sister that he owes her a bloody clock. Hong gan. She luff summore say his salary "going down the shitbowl" in mandarin.

Brother roger comments "you go wash kidney also not so cham siah."

2005-12-26T04:53:00.000-08:00

My Munny and My Honda and Me

I'm pretty tired so I'll just list some highlights=)

puakz got off at segamat and went to bukit siput to collect his bike! It's not been ridden for 6 months. It chokes for quite a while and puakz pretty much burned off quite a lot before it properly crawls out of hibernation mode! Puakz remembers changing the carburetor with much care the last time. now it's dirty so he cleans it out.

she's a yamaha scooter. no fancy shit.

from segamat puakz takes a ride south in the IOI corp plantation all the way to Kluang.

One section of the red-mud track was straight all the way and the afternoon sun just completed the whole picture..
It seemed like forever. After some time i took a a break and by evening the ride continues on the track south with Yi Lu Xiang Bei.

Whats more beautiful than that? Abandoned huts. Closed palm processing stations. huge trucks. I dont think i saw more than 15 people in that entire 5 hour ride.

I picked up my cousin in Kahang before continuing! She's 14 and for a good hour I let HER drive US!

Oh and her sister who's the same age as me is HOT! ha.

my hands were numb from the throttling. its like pins and needles but worse.
Cuzzie and me got directions before sundown for the old North South highway.

We filled up at a Petronas. She paid cos I din wanna dig through clothes for me wallet.

I was practically coated in a lil layer of red dust then and Vernie's adidas perfume. Cousin says it smells like a steamy hunk but the real thing is disappointing.

bloody shit.

skipskipskipskipskip forward

On a detour, in one of first uncle's worksheds in a plantation.
Sunday night.

We thought we might be lost in the dark, plus the back wheel punctured but then guy's directional senses are really good;) Cousin was worried but wasn't scared. Freaking brave.

Was having a chat with cousin. A guy there said that he'll haul our asses plus bike on his truck when it unloads some workpeople tomorrow. my honda couldn't get her wheel fixed here. I'll have to go to my uncles place=(
The last time I was here they powered the shed with a little generator.
Now they built an extension which housed a truck and covered showering facilities. They also had cable powering which was strewn from the main road. Which is like freakin far away!
She was complaining so I let her bathe first.
Then I chatted with a guy who's working in there. He says that he's stationed there to make sure nobody steals the chemical stock(pesticide/nursery black soil etc) they store underneath the outpost.

Then all of a sudden the lights went out. blackout.

It's REALLY put your freakin fingers in front of ur face cant see shit that kind of dark.

My cousin who was bathing didnt scream! I was quite worried for her.

I didnt bring any electronics save my zen touch so we used it to get outside.

It was better outside. No moon. Not even distant cloud glows of city lights. Fuzzy outlines of palm leaves. It was black, black, black.

We got a power torch which could last for hours for some illumination.

The fella went to borrow my cousin's HP to make a call for the private company from Kluang which runs such power lines into plantations.

He told me that the power company here was very reliable. But the power supply here kept getting chopped off because leaves short circuit the system or something.

I took the torch for a moment and went to a nearby altar propped against a small brick silo. Indonesian workers prayed here when they go past. "tu di gong" shrine.

There's some unlit large candles under the little roof. Whee=)

i lit one for my cuzzie and she got out immediately after dressing.

The whole thing was built of wood and metal sheet and i didnt want to burn down my uncle's outpost, so i stuck the candle carefully in a tin can filled with rice.

I SHOWERED BY CANDLELIGHT! ITS INCREDIBLY ROMANTIC=)

The fellow also taught me how some of the workers go about sleeping in the plantation when they're not near outposts- they dig holes! no shit!

we shared some coconut rum! the workers here make it THEMSELVES! it's pretty good but the coconut was overpowering.

We couldnt see any source of artificial light for the next 4 hours or so =)
The guy from Kluang only got here at close to 2 am and that was after he found the fault. I didnt know what. she propped up against the wall and me in a rattan chair. It was cold so in her sleep I covered her with my brown LV hoody.

It was so cold I didn't sleep... Went around replacing burnt out candles. Guy offered me a smoke to warm up. Refused.

Its scary because its really like cold turkey and someone's offering you a dosage to feel better.

Mosquitoes mosquitoes mosquitoes...

That's abourrit, fellas.

2005-12-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

An Email to Talia, 12.24 am, Sunday Dec 24 2005.

ARGH i wanna complain.
Actually i told you i gg home then pack and then leave right?i went home my parents were like, oh, stay for dinner. they were like, at least have dinner with them b4 christmas.

so i nv go to the train station.then what the heck lah, they nv prepare dinner when it's like 9!then they ask me what i wanna eat they go outside and buy.

i ask them buy roti prata from the 24 hour eating house quite near here.

then at like 10 they call up say they were shopping and they want to buy sth else for me to eat.so they were like, what you want?
i went anything, macs or kfc.then they say no macs or kfc.

i say bk also can.
or pizza hut.
or taco bell.

they say all dun have and i was like then what's open?
they said mos burger.-_-nvmi ask them buy yakiniku burger for me.
or tsukune burger.

"ok."

10 mins ago (11.55pm) they come back empty handed.

They say the fella at mos burger not taking any more orders.
i'm like then the prata?

they said not open.

my MUM TELL ME NOT OPEN

i'm like, bullshit, its 24 hours! she start giving me excuses like oh, no lah, close to Xmas so they not open.

i dun think you need to guess by this time i was damn doolan.

then i told her i last ate curry puffs in the late afternoon.

and that i was so hungry waiting for them to buy dinner i microwaved another curry puff from the fridge(i microwaved too much and it kind of exploded in the oven. but i ate it anyway.)and also tat i ate a CHRISTMAS BROWNIE which was for DECORATIVE PURPOSES lying by the table.

then dad say not open.

wah i cant take it man i was on the verge of screaming. i bet him 500 bucks its open and ill drag him down now.

then they stopped.

bloody shit lah! i'm friggin hungry now and to think they promised me dinner before Xmas.

i dont care man i'm going to take the first afternoon train out tomorrow and have some really good prata from Kulai on the way b4 i reach segamat/siti awan and find my brother.

GRRRRRR!

i hate it when im hungry and people still wanna bluff me when its so dang obvious the DAMN SHOP IS LIKE OPEN!

*!&*(*&^%$#@#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGGhh

im so hungry now freak and guess what they just went to sleep.

can u imagine me digging out frozen bricks of carcass from the freezer and stuffing em into my face?

oh great now dad just came out and said they din buy cos its not healthy.
OH YAH RICE BURGER ISN'T HEALTHY EITHER.

"Go cook some maggi mee or something."

OH YA MAGGI MEE IS DAMN HEALTHY THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

*&^%$#*&^%$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM SO GONNA START PACKIN THE MOMENT I WAKE MY ASS UP OFF THE BED TOMORROW

so much for 'at least a family dinner before christmas.'

hooray.

2005-12-21T07:20:00.000-08:00

And you were sick

so he got off the bus
sacrificing a ride straight home
with the Chinaman jacket
and something else in his hand.
a long day of meetings
final distributing of his film
eyes wanted to close
throat was sore from the air-conditioning.

he never considered he might end up like you.
so he held out a new pack of Panadol
similar to the one that you gave him
he took a tablet from the pack intended for you.

in his other hand held a dozen roses
you liked pink, he knows.
but he couldn't find pink earlier so red should do.
(Now you are calling and calling.)

the line never saw your voice
he didn't hear it
or take the lift up
because "You should go and sleep"
that was what you always said.

Advice the night before;
"you should consider the feelings
of those who care for you"
'how do i do that?'
you told him to forget it
and stay the way he is.

lone figure stood at the bottom of the block.
just like he stood waiting at the UOB building
sweating in the chinaman suit

(you call again and sister picks up)

he goes home and then you awake.
you say
'why not put the CD in the letterbox?'

he thinks there's more than a CD he's got to stuff in
but does not utter a word more.
he has never done this to a friend before.

night comes with people calling
piling stress upon stress on him.
he stays away from the Alize
cognac 6 feet away.

then you decided to pull the final straw
at the worst of times
when he doesnt really care about roses or paracetamol
no more.

'i'm far far away.'
can you hear?
that voice behind that tear?

2005-12-20T01:16:00.000-08:00

"The Lift"2

9am at the location.

If you fail to turn up, there's a 35K penalty.

I was there at 845.

Met Ronald(the old man playing my granddad) on the train in woodlands!

Then the rest of the cast=)

The equipment and professionalism is incredible.

imagine a TSD LUMOS crew with manpower of 30 all busying around 3 trucks worth of equipment.

This truck carried all the cables, tripods, blank film, reflector stands and heavy lighting equipment.

I took a sneak peek at the storyboarding. Horrendously well one. Fuzzy did it! OMG.

AnSu was our director=)

playing my little brother!

Edgar is his real name.

Then we had to do makeup. Our makeup artist did very different from TSD ones- She had o keep the makeup invisible to the lens of the camera. It had to be extremely subtle so that the lens wouldnt pick up the mild lipstick i had on.

Isn't she adorable? She's playing as my little sister! To think of it she really looks like my sister but this one's really much nicer and mature.

She's got a fantastic smile!

OMG now i wish everything could be like the time traveller's wife hoho.

That's our makeup artist btw.

Here's another pic: everything blurs out but her smile!

Ladies n Gentlemen, meet a girl who got her first pager at 4, and a handphone while she's in k2.

i wish i took katherine's photo as well (15 yr old gal playin me sis.) but Edward her bf was there lol.

Katherine's a mix of TSD's Krystle, this little girl, at 162cm.

She's prolly gonna be on the TV screen v soon (Mediacorp.)
I wore an Orange versace in the ad, with brown ghettoish pants. Fuzzy was wearing the exact opposite(see pic!) We laughed off asses. When we stood together it was like some BMW ad. The guy in the centre is one of the many gaffers. Ansu is the guy hiding in the shadows with a goatee n specs. wearing a green shirt n jeans. The bright light is a SoftSun 500K light. It emits a wavelength pretty warm like sunlight. Think of a fresnel the size of a large bicycle wheel.
I can't remember his name but he's quite a well known local camera operator. Here we're using Super 16... Ansu told me that if we used 35mm it would have been a hell lot more expensive. 16mm is the TV standard.

Later they would mount the entire camera setup on tracks for a moving shot. They never had shot errors.

Yet another SoftSun setup. One of the lighting crew looked like Guan Yu, the God of War. He had medusa-like hair, a fiery temper, good spirits. His partner was called Mad Dog. They were more like a ship rigging crew.

"Oh I was from DHS alumni."-Daniel, (my "dad")
"Hey Rowell kor kor I think I see you before! you go downstairs that 7-11 one right?"-the lil girl J'Lin
"My daughter's in VJ. J1 now, she's in Wushu."-my 'mum'
"My son's andrew. He did a film recently."-Ronald

Isn't it eerie how small the world is.

Not to mention my friend's gf is now my 'sister'.

It was really fun while it lasted=) Being a director/producer I was kinda able to understand why they had to take the same shot over and over and over again.

Mad Dog's the one stooping down(with Mad Dog clothespegs stuck on his waistpouch, the cameraman on the right, and the props manager on the left.

Edgar's mum said, "Whats the big diff between photographers and filmmakers?"

I thought for a while. Photographers have a chance to capture the perfect shot. If they lose it, then they can't have it anymore. The perfect shot would become an image existing only in his memory. He can't share it.
Film? Takes 24 frames a second. All 24 frames would have to be perfect frames. Each second would have to compliment the other. A single wrong frame and you take it all over again until you get something close to perfect.

The shoot was fun while it lasted! We wrapped up at six. Shockingly the title was The Lift; wan't that our SVA entry film title too?

I ended up in the Esplanade with Athol Fugard's stuff. Valley Song is really really good. I was quite tempted to do a mono on one of his other plays.

Then I went to HMV and heard Eminem's Curtain Call:When I'm Gone.
I left HMV with slightly damp eyes. I heard his stuff only after Madonna's Hung Up. Hung Up's nice to club to but how...deep is it? Shallow stuff. Some people will slam me for not liking Madonna, or most female singers for that matter, but for some reason I'm very into the male singers=) Shawty Doowup by Baby Bash is probably in the same category but of lower-level than Madonna's classic chic stuff but within the chorus which consists of like, 4 words, there's already so much between the lines that it beats Hung Up flat.

Night came.
Say I'm good, and silently, and no one else shall know.
Unloading weeks and weeks of stress from The Lift, MOE, The Lift 2, SATs, 40 hour nonstop work plus 01 preparations on Bacardi.

Mind you noobs, not the Bacardi breezers. I'm talking real rum.

-puAkz- (there's a easter sumwhere=)

2005-12-17T05:15:00.000-08:00

Temple Street 3B

(Oh ya guys before I start the bloggy proper, Perhaps.Love is a very well directed film. It's pretty comparable to artsy films but then Aviator still kicks all the others' asses.)

So the work attachment ended with a minifeast at Raj Indian Vegetarian Restaurant in Biopolis.
We were all looking out for the guy Agent K was -fantasizing- about. He wasn't there.
And I realised how good Thosais actually were! They're like a potato filled version of Roti prata but crispier. And they were huge! Hate it or love it i'm goin BACK THERE FOR MORE! Ha.

Oh and to annA~~* thanks for the goodbye card! n pls resend ur HP number cos my dang phone reformatted itself again. Keep in contact! X)

AS usual I went over to Raffles City... one of the obscenely huge buildings for Vern to finish her Rodyk and Davidson attachment. T'was her last day too but she's pretty glad to leave tt place while I wished I could step into the PornoMan's Lair in MOE again=(

Hmm. Vern had to go for dinner with some council peeps so our -lastdayofworkcelebration- went out of the window. But before she left for the office something really made my day=) Thanks buddy. Haha. Oh and the face-related chemical her momma got was like wasabi.

So puakz went for a quick bite in BK opposite Caltex House. Called up dad and made arrangements for a father/son rendezvous in town. Immediately after I put down the phone Vernie called up and said one of the council peeps left halfway so asked if we could meet up -_- doolan.The meal alone was pretty eventful. After I told vern dad was on the way I decided to record my own little personalised phone greeting! Please peeps check it out! Gimme a call and i'll purposefully miss it if u sms me first to confirm. 91873389.

Well after I finished the recording Damon heard it. Vern too ad they both laughed off asses.

Then Tim(not the tsd one. The one who plays Gunbound with Josie) heard it. X) Followed by bro. Then people kept calling n i kept missing pretty much everything for them to enjoy my voicemail greeting!

Then there was this number which wasn't from a mobile.

I let the fella listen =)

Then the same number kept calling! I picked up.

"Eh! You heard the greeting?"

"Hello, is this rowell? This is XXXX agency... I'm XXXX, the GM.. Remember me?"

Oh Fuck.

My boss just heard my voice greeting.

"Nice recorded message by the way."

Shiiiiiit.

"Oh I called to inform you that you've been selected for the KFC TV advert. Yeah you went through the auditions-"

Holy Shit. Didn't I screw that audition up?
But I simply replied "uh huh" and "yups".

"Anyway, you gotta report to the same place. Kismet Films. Temple Street 3B. I'll need you to come down to XXXX first to sign the contract..."

I wasn't really paying attention to the content, I was trying to make out whose voice it could possibly be to purposefully screw up my life.

"I'll give you more details later. Oh yeah and I'll need your new fitting sizes. The previous one is outdated. You gotta bring some of the clothes you brought the last time round in Eileen's photoshoot...avoid the black and whites as usual..."

Okay this is genuine.

"Yup, call me later to confirm. Shooting's on monday. I'll get u location, timings and negotiate for the rates. You need to call for Fuzzy at XXXXXXX or XXXXXXX...oh you have the numbers already? Okay then. Congratulations and goodbye!"

In a few hours I would be climbing up the same steps of Temple St 3B into Kismet. Before that I bought a 1GB SD card for my HP so that it wouldn't crash from storage overload anymore.

The Director of our shoot was actually the auditor! Ahhhh! Well that was surprising.

The room was filled with impossibly beautiful people.

After an introduction to the cast (funny they call us talents) I found that I have an impossibly cute 8 year old sister, an impossibly cute 9 year old brother, and another impossibly good looking 15 year old sister.-gasp!- Ah but I happened to know her boyfriend Edward! haha Bloody Shit he's a step ahead of me! j/k peeps=)

Oh and the 80 year old woman playing my granny is pretty famous in the local advert scene. Like, she did standard chartered, 2 macdonalds ads, the previous kfc ad, and countless others. The guy playing my dad was an ex-DHSser. Currently in the alumni so I happen to know him too.

What a small world.

I had a lil chat wth the Kismet director, a really ligh discussion about film, about DV, about 16 and 35mm films... We had to get down to work so he promised to continue our conversation after the Monday shoot. Fuzzy and the producer talked about a possible student internship as well.

Then was 2 hours of taking photos in different clothing combinations. In the end they still liked the orange shirt I was wearing originally! We had to take photo shoots in pairs for colour comparison before the actual filming for colour balance and all-pretty much what i do in film, but very much more professional- and I was paired with the 15 year old. I noticed that she was very distracted. Ahhh nvm. Edward u better keep her in check man. Well if all goes well i could officially be your brother in law! hahaX!

I'll be skippin sunday 4 u peeps but monday's gonna be hectic!

2005-12-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

Rowena, Rowan, Sly and Rosama

...7.50am...

I woke up in a dream today, to the cold of the static, I put my cold feet on the floor.

Its the freakin last day of work. Aww shit.

I'll miss it. I think, so I kinda floated my ass to MOEHQ for the next few last hours with the top secret "JoKEr" Officers .

Memories of agent J and K.

"AssistantD" E.

The HCI Science fag SA Specialist whose name I can't mention(but whose IC-photo i'll always remember.)

The CJ Arts Faculty PHTSHP Specialist whose name I also can't mention(but whose horrigiber aesthetic sense I'll always remember)

Oh. And the 17th floor ITB dude who dictates the nation's educational network keys, access and porn website blocking guy we affectionately call "PornoMan".

ANyway.

For simplifications sake, lets call the HCI fag "Anna" and the CJ fac "Praseeda"

(not their real names. the true names of the subjects are protected by FoxtrotUniformCharlieKilo Treaty.)

<<= Please Read the Small Print. Well it's the last day so I stepped in and the two were in our cubicle workstation. -interruption-"Is your hair still permed?!" -Praseeda-

They stepped aside with wilful looks on their faces and unveiled:

The RoFugly Family.

(From top left, clockwise: RoSly(me), Rowan(my sexually undefined brother) Rosama(my sister who was mistaken for Osama and got acid, alkaline, petrol, mercury and lead face treatment by the Americans) And then Roweeeeena, whos uh, my beautiful wife(who gives saucer-sized lovebites).

I was like O_o wtFBbQ?! LOLX

-interruption: Anna and Praseeda says that I was DAMN happy.-

But I think they're damn -r0-tarded.(fuck they made me put rotarded.)

Well more about my uh... beautiful family.

I'll uh, start with the love of my life. Well. We supposedly took wedding pictures. Individually because the cameraman couldn't fit her teeth and my face in the same frame.

Oh my god, ain't she lovely?

After the Photoshoot I brought my spouse to the veterinarian.
I left her outside for a moment reading two documents at the same time. CF: crossed eyes.

"Welcome to the PraseedannA~~* vets clinic. We specialise in animal aesthetics."

"Could you fix that bitch out there?"

(The two vets take a quick look at the woman reading their opening AND closing hours at the same time.)

"uh. That's gonna cost you."

"Okay, whatever. Just.... fix her. I don't know! Do whatever! WHATEVER MAN! JUST DO SOMETHING!"

"Glamourous or economic?"

"Uhm. Economic. Quick, before she notices that this is a vet's."

So I sat in the main waiting area while drills, hacksaws and pneumatic machinery rumbled on in the little room called the "PhotoShoppe 17".

She came out in a jiffy and she almost landed a luscious, wet, slobbery kiss on me-

Then I realised she can't open her mouth.

"Uh, we couldn't cut through the front two buckteeth with the equipment we have and we just dissolved the teeth in acid."

Moments later they were scuttling back with Roweeeeena into the workshop.

Five hours later.

OMFG!

She looks pretty good, aye?

"We uh, had to take some skin off her ass to recreate the lips. Hope you don't mind mister."

I didnT! It's too good to be true.

I dragged her back to the photoshoot and the rest of the family were there.

The photographer got behind the lens and talked about image imbalance.

"I can't do it man. I can't click the shutter."

"Why not?! I just fixed my wife!"

(whispers)"Your whole family's dang fugly! Excluding your wife! People will scroll through the faces, gasp at one and vomit at the others. There's no point! It'll turn out damn fugly! I can't do this!"

My sexually undefined brother/sister came plodding along.

"Wassup? You guys are taking too long man."

"Uh, Rowan? Uh... follow me."

Minutes later.

"welcome to the PraseedannA~~* clini-"

"Shut up and fix him. Er, her. Whatever. Just fix... this... person. "

FForward>>

HOLY SHIT!

(Shoutout to vernie: wanna marry him? Yo' kinda guy)

HE AIN"T FUGLY NO MORE!

"Hmm, well, we did some work on his er, nose, mouth, forehead, ears, entire face, hmm. yup."

"They removed my mole! Bloody hell! They shredded it to add some to my eyebrows!"

By then I already got my uh, sister over.

Ahhh. hmmm. Er, yup. Sister.

"Could you guys fix Rosama?"

"Sure do, but we're a lil tired..don't expect miracles man..."

"do it."

Rosama took the longest.

"What the hell happened?! Whats with the words on the face?!"

"We tried our best, he's now got takeshi kaneshiro's mouth... but once fugly, always fugly."

"What do you mean, once fugly always fugly?! Look at my wife! My sis/brother!"

Roweena looked up to look at both the vets at the same time.

"Look at him!"

My sis turned sadly. "Whats wrong? I look fine."

"We're sorry for your tragic family, mister, but your sis does look more like a guy..."

"Get cracking. Whatever. Just... fix her."

"we can't!"

"I'll do it."

So I rolled up my sleeves and got my sister with the huge red words certified 100% fugly on her face and starteD work on it.

I used the following techniques:

Die cast plastic facial base
Inserts of facial hair
Sandpapered her teeth
Adjustment of ear position in reference to skull shape
Saturated face with formaldehyde for preservation of healthy pink skin colour.
Titanium implants in nose
Emulsification of temple tissues to remove age wrinkles
Repositioning of hairline and facial features

AND....

Hours later-

puakz: "Erm. hmm. Well? What do you guys think?"

everyone was stunned in silence.

Roweeeeena: "he looks good!"

Rowan: "YEah! Just as if he were straight out from a Leonardo da Vinci oil painting!"

I couldn't agree less. He was so gorgeous, his skin almost seemed painted-on!

The beard was from osama, the hair from some female... and look! here's the new picture of my sister!

We decided to call her Rosama.

But her features were disturbingly... reminiscent of the guy in Lost playing Charlie.

Ah well. There's my family.

So we went back to the photographer and we decided to do another family shot.

He didn't click the shutter.

"I cant do it," he said.

"Why the *&^%$#^ not?!?!"

"Well. Your uh, wife looks fine."

"My sister/brother? Whatever?"

"uhm. he... erm. she looks fine too."

"My sister? you still think that she's looks like Grover? Huh?!"

"Uh... she's fine as well."

"So what the heck is wrong with you?!"

"Sir, they're all fine, but the only fugly one left is you."

I divorced my wife and headed for the club......

FOund that I still love buck teeth cross eyed fugly deformed chicks.

(Dancing with a bloody fugly Wendy Cheng**aka Xiaxue.**.)

2005-12-11T23:49:00.000-08:00

24 hour _____oholic

Given the chance, some of you guys might put an alc to fill in the blanks above.

But try work and you'll get a closer picture of what's really up now.

AS continued from the previous entry, puakz touches down in the wee hours of the morning and has a few wee winks before he has to wake up in the still wee wee hours of the morning for work.

Yup, puakz has got a job. And now as he's typing it he's already three weeks deep into it=>

It's at MOE, but protocol says that other than that nothing more shall be revealed, unless you're my colleague in the same department, so there=)

1) No copy, of any document, physical or in digital form may be brought out of CPDLL1.

2) Nor may you touch or see or modify anything you're not supposed to. (I saw a 'TSD work file' somewhere in that area, might consider GRABBING IT TO SELL TO LOFTY FOR A BILLION BUCKS!) haha.

3) You're not allowed to reveal the identities of the officers in charge; CPOs or ADs.

4)Or sell their numbers to people=)

(I just realised that I might have just breached my confidentiality oath...)

Other than that it's been huge fun so far, and really an experience.... until it ends on the 16th=(

Its 9 to 5, within a 5 day work week.

But.

SVA.

Also start work on SVA on the 22nd. Film after work ends into the wee hours of night.

Deadline? Officially today. We just passed it to ETD direct in MOE so its like halfway through work and you gotta hand up the entire thing you did in a MiniDV.

Since the whole SVA thing is now officially over.....

PARTY HOMIES! HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

To the crew: (other peeps pls skip this section.)

Thanks to Priya(Director of Acting) , it's your first time doing anything like this, and i'm sure its pretty traumatic(the filming schedules and editing marathon.) But we picked the right person for the job! Good work. You got an aesthetic eye as well! You and jas were essentials during the post production fine tuning and cleaning up. Can you imagine how the speeding car section would have ended up if not for you guys? Mr Tang's car would have been a exhaust-constipated Ferrari F50. On and the infamous cactus line "It's Freaking Huge!"

Ivan(Producer/Equipment) It's your second time, the first being the teacher's day production. Now you see how hiong a full fledged competition grade film is! Nevermind the equipment related setbacks, you're one of the most reliable(but sumtimes humourously irritating) guys around. Thanks for being our SaiKangWarrior. I also have to admit that the masking thing you did to the bird was really impressive. And your stamina(Don't we share roughly the same schedules?) Lets slack for a while or two then move on to the next big project! 01. nabeh.

Gladys(Logistics) Sourcing talent for this production would have failed if not for you. I can't imagine any guy replacing Edmund! Thanks for the late night fried rice and drinks and stuff. And the macaroni ice cream stick=) You've always held a wonder for the whole process of filmaking, well I hope this is one experience you'll never forget! I've seen people who intern in film shoots to watch to learn but they never last the first 2 days. I've never seen someone who's simply interested who turns up for every session. Maybe somewhere deep inside of you there's a budding passion=)

Edmund(Lead Actor/Bernard) That day just before filming officially started I saw you sleeping in the car and decided not to disturb you because I felt guilty for putting you through Bernard's life when you're already half-dead from working in MINDEF Bukit Gombak. Dude I respect you for the perseverance in completing the largely angsty Bernard shots which definitely tipped your stress levels already in the red from military service. In some shots, like the ending section, whereby Bernard smiles for the first time- you just did it naturally. I guess that's what your true personality is more like and it must have been a really good release of all the couped up crap in Bernard. Heil, homie.

Sean(OST Composer) Ivan and me went through hours and hours of piecing your music and our shots together. In those hours, I have fallen deeply in love with your 'Frozen In Time'. It shaped our entire piece(extract from post production crew conversations) and then for some reason halfway through editing I wrote down those beautiful lyrics which had multiple parallels with the film that it cannot only be coincidential. You must have visualised bits and pieces of the film in the crew briefing in the Esplanade that day, I saw you deep in thought(or stoning!) and after 2 weeks of sleeping at 2am out came your magic. **P.S. Want a producing team to make a CD and MV of your work?!**

Jasmine(script writer) Believe me, this version would never have evolved if you have not written and rewritten the original Lift scripts. If you notice, the current one is an extract of so many ideas in the original scripts you wrote. Thanks for spending time in writing, and in such detail! In your first one you wrote about being afraid that drama scripts and film scripts might differ greatly, but trust me jas. film script, drama, theatre, whatever- they are just different formats to illustrate different ways in exploring the same concept/story. If you have your concept, why worry? Oh and you've got good aesthetic sense and spatial judgement too, you and Priya make fantastic postproduction proof checking. Thank you for working in one of icomp's most abitious projects yet.

Saiful, Linghui, Conan, Mr Tang and all other actors: Not having a lead role doesn't mean that your presence onscreen isn't important. All you actors serve purposes critical to the success of the film; and don't be shy or intimidated in sharing the fruits of everyone's labour! JOIN IN THE CREW PARTY! Thank you for making time for this production! I may not have known some of you very well because of relatively less time spent with you guys than with the leads, but I would like to know you better for roles in the next production =)

Mr Robert Yeo, sacrificing practically anything for your students to prove themselves is truly a noble act. Staying overnight in the hellish editing studio aka V26 with us- sharing our fatigue... What more can a teacher give?

The tears that we cried
the smiles that we hide
Will stay in my mind forever
Now that you're here
It all seems so clear
Nothing has changed
It all stays the same

"Frozen In Time", Sean Lim

Well, I woke up at 8am last morning and haven't slept since then. I've been awake for a whopping 32 hours and still going.

Out of the 32 hours 22 were spent editing the film nonstop, 4 hours in transport, food and miscellaneous breaks etc, and now i've spent the remaining working in MOE.

I feel like throwing up now with a thudding headache but I don't feel like I need some sleep yet.

Ah well. I've finished my work early so here I am typing away until it's officially 5pm.

Then knock off.

Home.

Shower.

Bed.

.........................Hibernate.

2005-11-22T04:03:00.000-08:00

Day5 to Remember

Know the tour group stuff? The bring you for good food, good hotels and good shopping areas then it's all nice and happy?

We joined that. Chan Brothers I think. It was a happy flight from Singapore to HK airport, 17th Nov. We were to reach there and meet a relative to bring us around and go to the new Disneyland resort fr the first two days before meeting up with the rest of the travel group.

The first day was a walk around some bits of the city, into some famous temple, and taking the disneyland train.

Yup. A freakin sofa in the train car with mickey mouse portholes and a statue behind my head. The first two days? Living luxurious. Disneyland's Hollywood hotel- the whole freakin place is disneyfied. It's a fantasy really.

*Sweet suite ceilings!*
Their shampoo smells dang nice too. and I just love how every room has a different metal plate:

It was the life man. Life. But well, before we departed SG I deposited a 'mac fish burger with my bro. Bloody retard. Never deposit any burgers or sandwiches with your lil bro.

Flattened. Yup.

Disneyland HK was just... a dream come true. It was all childhood memories rushing back, it was childhood memories lost in cartoons, while other kids went to disney JP or US and I stayed home watching cartoons. When at one moment i didnt watch anymore when i was told that i've outgrown cartoons.

And now it was all so beautiful. Perfect worlds, perfect endings, perfect everything, everything that never happens in real life comes alive here. The rides were fantastic-that was one thing-but the realism... The whole effort to make everything so realistic just made everyone drown in the moment and the joy of it all.

There was a 3d show and it moved me to tears. It was like an MTV with mixes of all the princess stories and donald duck- with 3d glasses. when beauty and the beast came on with lumiere the candle ushering in the 3d food, and raspberry pie appeared in front of everyone's eyes, some mechanism let off a scent of berry. Donald duck got stuck in a pail, and water splashed out onto everyone. real water. Then there was alladin on his carpet and giant fans whirled wind past our faces. Jewels fall out from a chest and people reach out to grab air...The way everything was made was beautiful-donald duck flies out from the screen at the end of the show from an exploding tuba and suddenly a actual model of him stuck in a hole at the back of the theatre appears with his ass hangin out.

It was the new age theatre on the newspapers years earlier. a theatre that goes for all 5 senses for maximum realism. Mindblowing.

Then the fireworks. A coupe de grace.

Then the luxury ended there.

We arrived in Kowloon at 10 to find ourselves stranded because the travel agency screwed up.

"I say we go solo."-dad

So we roamed around HK looking for food and lodging a place called the Shamrock Hotel. It's 2 stars and we checked in 2am on the 19th.

I spent most of the night wondering how to make a horror movie out of this hotel =>

On the 19th we got TurboJet tickets to a place called Zhuhai. It was a jet powered boat on fin stilts which raised the entire vessel above the waterline when the boat hit critical speed. The result? HK to China in 2 hours, and almost zero marine turbulance.

SO we arrived in the late morning on 19th, and into a famous local restaurant. Somehow dad has contacts and actually booked a private room, so there we were, 12 people (incl. my cousin who has stayed in HK for 9 years and never knew the existence of Zhuhai). We didn't eat much and moved on to book a tour van(another 1 of dad's connections.) Over there they call it 'bread car' or 'mian4 bao1 che1'.

Then there were the usual scenic attractions that the kids wanted to skip, leaving the ex-Red Army guide pretty disappointed with us (Chinese nationalism is incredible. Believe me.)

There was an old man sitting under the foot of a tree just like in one of those famous movies of ancient China, whereby a wise sage meditates with a short stool with brush and ink and paper. Well, this guy was roughly 90 and he used people's names to formulate poems on the spot. What's pretty gay is that his poems are actually two. Read them the normal way-from top to bottom, right to left and there you go, an obvious poem about you. Then read it backwards. A coherent poem as well.

Whats more gay than that?

The Singapore Dollar-RenMinBi exchange rate is S$1 for RMB4.7 or something like that.

This guy charged me RMB5 to write the poem he composed out of my name onto a scroll. In calligraphy.

I don't think you can even buy a bloody traditional Chinese scroll in SG for $5, and this guy charged me? A buck!

As I left the old man, taking a mini cable car up to the peak of the tallest peak in Zhuhai, I was seriously considering the monetary value and actual value of his art. He cherishes his work, and certainly he finds joy seeing others enjoying his work as well.

Art seems to be the only thing that transcends cash value, sometimes.

On the peak of the mountain there was a rock, and I swear there were at least thousands and THOUSANDS of steel and copper locks all around the rock. It's some rock that was believed to have fulfilling properties and people from all over the mainland come over, confess their dreams and aspirations and then lock it onto the cable on the rock.

"Kor, I tell you what, we at night take an axe hack all this shit off and sell to some recycling company."

My cousin was explaining to me the purpose of the rock, blah blah when I asked her if it is a must to leave the mountain with a lock tied to the rock. She took a serious look at me for a moment and then pointed at her head.

"Dreams and aspirations come from here, not by locking them there."

Just like the old poet under the tree, her words left me wondering all the way while on a tobogan down the mountain. Well, she's the CEO of Lippo Intl and was once asia's no. 2 scholar... her lil bro's now japan's top scholar i think.

Evening caught up very quickly and we headed for a 4 star hotel the guide had pointed out earlier. You know the clocks on the wall displaying the local times of major cities around the world?

Well in this hotel there were 7 clocks- London, New York, Beijing, Moscow, Bangkok, Zhuhai, and surprise-Singapore. Pretty amusing.

Then what wasn't so amusing-

"Sorry sir. Our suites are all taken."
"We'll need 4 rooms then."
"Sorry sir, we don't have any rooms available."

Aww, shit.

Hotel hunting again. Well everyone thought that nothing could be worse than the Shamrock(roger called it the Shamerock) but hell, were we wrong.

A nifty hotel stuck in the centre of Zhuhai's major shopping (and red light) district, by the name of Da2Hai3 hotel.

Heaving the heavy luggae up the front steps of the hotel and after getting a room on the fifth storey, we found out that it didn't have a lift.

Shiiit.

Oh, and besides, in the time period whereby dad was dealing with the receptionist over room rental, a heavily made up, roughly 20 plus year old female came up to me.

"Can you accompany me?(direct translation.)"

Then I realised that the 3 kids that we were bringing along were playing in the midst of like, 6 or 7 hookers. All of them. Looking at the kids, at us and instantly I saw the true purpose of a hotel with no lift, no room service, no suite, by-the-hour-charge.

It's a fuckhouse!

My bro and me walked into our room and he was about to make a cup of tea or coffee when he realised that it wasn't tea or coffee.

The usual bar area now comes with packs of lubricant, condoms and all kinds of disinfectant shit.

Awwwight fellas. Biggest fear confirmed. It's a fuckhouse.

Then I realised that the rooms my parents/relatives were allocated to were together while our room was like 2 doors away from theirs.

The two rooms are occupied.
My sister and two other kids her age are playing on the corridor.

Couple of minutes later when we're done we went over and mum was like, this is a damn chickenhouse, why this hotel?

Dad was just laughing.

"All hotels have this, it's just a matter of quantity. Right not, rowell?"

Nao Hiah! How am I supposed to know?! This place is a freakin chicken coop/coup (hoho).

We stayed on. It was the first time I stayed in a hotel when there was heavy drilling at a construction site right outside the window. I was like, shit! We ought to call the authorities! They're drilling past 1am already-

But this ain't SG! AWwwwww craaap.

The next morning at like 5am I was woken up by a brother who very quickly pointed out at a whitish growth-like substance on the floor, which we never really paid attention to.

It was a path of dried up semen stuck to the carpet and the cleaners never got it off.

That night I was to discover that the police scour this area after dusk for hoes on the streets and lock them up in a lorry with two barred tiny little windows in the back. Looks like our CISCO armoured trucks but with two lil barred peepin holes. For the first two nights I didn't take a good look at them, and the mysteriously dark holes, but on the third I saw a hint of two glints behind the holes, eyes looking out at the streets, at other hoes soliciting males, at tourists, at the rest of the merry nightlife, at our little rogue tourgroup, at my sister....

For a moment I considered tipping off the cop to let one out for a moment for a life story and a film. Or theatrically presenting her life story. That thought flashed and died quickly.

We got out of the hotel and then after a really long ride arrived at one of the outskirt industrial areas (ShenZhen 2) with a long discussion with dad about the politics behind ShenZhen Industrial Estate 1 and the significance of the second one.

Humans can be inhumanely cunning at times. What dad calls the ultimate Shenzhen scam which is bigger than the Enron coup but was never publicised because that would put the whole SG government to shame. Plus a possible upheaval of the local government-says-where-to-invest system and fingers round the world pointing at the use of the ancient war tactics used by Sunzi.... ah well. nevermind. Life's a big joke anyway.

Anyway we reached the distributor/manufacturing group of companies- all the luxury brands- LV, Prada, A/X, Ferragamo, Fendi, Gucci Gordon- and more.

They were stocking up for the opening of the flagship stores in Beijing (read the news. Just out.) at least with LV taking lead.

No wonder dad wanted to go solo. The factory prices of the luxury stuff were fractions of what you normally get off boutiques in taka or paragon. We didn't have enough suitcases(cos we came to HK without much clothes) so we bought one on the spot at S$400.

After some serious shoppin spreeing we arrived back at Zhuhai. A reference to a map showed that we were so dumb because we could actually arrive at SZIE2 by train from HK. So, logically, the old man has other business deals at the mainland.

Yup. Seafood.

He brought us to this place which was like old Chinatown.

Stalls littered the entire length of connected backalleys. There must have been hundreds and hundreds of stalls.

All of them sold seafood. Live. In tiny plastic containers seasoned with sea salt to keep them alive for just a little while more. All kinds of liveseafood- We saw sea urchins chopped in half by the stallkeeper to show the meagre amounts of edible stuff inside. Thousands of crabs caught for their eggs with their innards being removed, still frothing at the mouth. Sharks with topfins missing, and all bloody. Some of the blood dripped into yet another container full of? Turtles. And beside the container of turtles? Sea millipedes in the millions. A stall keeper, with the help of her husband(presumably) raised a thrashing fish the size of my sis onto the slaughterboard and, with a small chopper relative to the fish, hacked the fish from the back of the head. Once Twice and thrice and again and again. Juices sprayed and she flipped it to its side and continued hacking. turned it to the other side and hacked again. The thrashes lost their urgency. After some time the whole head came clean off, was placed in the plastic bag for a customer. The huge, newly dead fish was shoved back into its large ice box with another similar species of similar size next to it. A particularly odd species of shellfish emerged like fingers from their tubular shells, and they were tied in bundles, sold by the bundles. The finger-like flesh reached out from the shells, seemingly feeling around the new and mysterious situation they were in.

Do they understand danger? They didn't have eyes to see what situation they were in. The fingerlike protrusions simply felt, felt, felt styrofoam, tasted artificial sea salt, tasted blood, tasted each other and wondered why they were there.

Dad was buying away with a restaurant chef by his side. The chef was recommending seafood in a particularly commercial way- He would point at some species and go "This one is fantastic braised. Or fried, but then that would waste the nutritional value of the fish. It'll be far better to steam it quickly with a light dash of ginger..." And the fish, which did not even get recognised by its name, would go into a plastic bag for the next 15 minutes or so before having its scales removed and placed in a steamer.

Imagine an alien looking at a bunch of humans in a cage next to a cage of pigs.

"This one's fantastic fried, but then frying these more slender ones would allow for crispier textures." They'd not be differentiating humans from pigs or vice versa, but then I think we would full deserve it.

On the way to the restaurant, with the chef in lead with quite a lot of plastic bags. Some were perfectly still. Some struggled. I wonder which to applaud- Those who have made preparations for their impending doom and accepted it; or those who still fight on in vain.

The drain at the roadside along the entire street was flowing with blood and artificial saltwater. A single tiny fish struggled, swimming in the bloody gunk.Run lil' fella. Run.

To the adults this was a paradise of saltwater delicacies, but for me it was very disturbing. Probably doing ted hughes and understanding his perspective about the cyclical nature of life and the brutal necessity of death was different from sharing it.

Lunch was what I saw slaughtered and probably cooked live. I didn't eat much that day.

Enough about that. I saw the exact same thing at the Zhuhai wet market, with a repetition of the same butchery of pigs and chickens and other land creatures, but by then it was no longer shocking, it was numbing. Have you seen flooded wet markets? Well, this one was on a second floor and open 24 hours a day. Nobody cleans the steps leading up and hence blood, dirt and watery gunk flowed down the steps people walk up and down of. I left bloody shoeprints when I left the place.

It wasn't a particularly bad experience, but it was pretty thought provoking. Wasn't this the same thing everywhere else? The only difference between us and the Zhuhai Chinese is that we preferred to buy carcasses off chilled shelves in supermarkets, never bearing witness to the final agonies of the living thing when it was killed. Hence guilt never directly struck us.

When we bought food in the markets in SG, it was already food, and nothing could be done to reverse the process: it would be a waste if we did not buy the packed meat because that would mean that the animal died in vain.

In Zhuhai, we bought the animal, saw it die, ate it. Every death in those Zhuhai markets served as a reminder that they were killed because of their role as food. I doubt people there who cooked for themselves bought more than they could consume.

No which is better, SG or Zhuhai then?

That must have been the most important portion of the entire trip to HK, and that experience alone made the trip worthwhile.

The right to bargain at the markets selling clothing was also a rich experience. In a matter of days we learnt the act of bargaining. On the first day, I asked dad what was the lowest they could sell f they named a price. He simply said that well, you're old enough, go find out. Then he gave my bro and me some cash and we went to buy stuff.

My bro, on an offer of 90RMB demanded 85 rmb. the shopkeeper sold it to him immediately. I didn't buy anything that day but I watched dad slash hundreds of dollars off each purchase.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to

THE ART OF BARGAINING
What's the psychology of 'reasonable bargaining'of a shopkeeper? How do I, a shopkeeper, make the most money even though bargaining is available?

1) If I wanted to sell something, I would have named a high price, for sure. In any case if the customer names a slightly lower price, I wouldn't lose out.

2)If I identify through experience that a customer is a tourist, all the more I'll kill em in terms of price. I'll just name a high price and we'll have fun from there.

3)If I own the shop, or if I work for a boss who gets me to work on a comission based on profit ratio, and if I spend a lot of time with a customer, as long as I sell the item to him at a higher price than the actual cost I'd sell it.

4)Especially if the customer looks like the kind who goes shop hopping. The last thing I want is to spend 20 minutes with this guy, he gets a quote of the lowest price I can give and goes to another shop. In that case, I'll sell it to him at an even lower price, but threaten that any lower, he'll have to go elsewhere.

5)I'll spend as much time with this customer as he likes to until another comes in. Otherwise, I cho bo lan also useless.

Pardon me for my shallowness, but I think that those basic rules are enough to work on.

If we read 2) again, we realise that when tourists are in, the shopkeeper would be likely to let their guard down, no?

4) says that a bargaining round with a shopkeeper progressively becomes more and more important to the shopkeeper. The more time they spend with you, the more they'd like to sell it to you otherwise it's a wasted deal on their behalf. Of course, if no one else seems to be coming into the shop... the more power the customer holds. The longer you bargain with someone, the item evolves from being a 'can-sell' to become a 'must sell'. If the customer is told to screw off after 15 minutes of arguing and all, 5) states that the ultimate loser is the shopkeeper.

The strategy?

Some experimentation and finally :

Work in a group. My bro goes into a shop with hardly any customers, but selling the exact same things as the rest of the shops in that cluster. He goes in and talks to the shopkeeper. We were eyeing 6 articles. He takes the six he wants and I take 2 relatively more expensive things and we cash both in as well.He takes the most expensive of the 6 items we really wanted to get and asks for the value of it. He is identified as a tourist and hence the shopkeeper gave him a ridiculous price. 2K! (SG 400)

I take one of the two articles we don't really want which are the most expensive of the lot and told the keeper that she has one more chance to list us a good price. I give her a brief background that I shop here often and I don't take 'foreigner' bullshit. I bluff that I've seen a major attraction twice.

After 5 minutes of one-by-one bargaining and listing of prices,
She gave us 1569 rmb (ard SG $300)for the 8 items. Note that she lists "1569" instead of "1500" or "1600". The illusion is that she's cutting prices at the micro level.

But then she lists each and every one of the items, so she believes that since we've passed each of them, and brief micro-bargaining, we're okay with the price.

Wrong!

I take the expensive article and I put it aside. I told her that I'm not buying that anymore because she's not giving me a satisfactory price.

"I'll give you another chance. You don't want us to walk away with 6 items instead of 7." Bro and I keep eye contact. Two pairs of eyes on one can be very intimidating. The shopkeeper strains to decide who to maintain eye contact with- my bro or me.

A few more minutes, she got a round up of 1000++ RMB or so. (keep in mind that this includes the most expensive item out. we give her that reminder and tell her that 1000, minus an article costing 300 RMB or so isnt a big difference from the previous price 1569.)

"Don't make me... You know and I know that we wish this to be a successful business deal for all of us."

The smile and cheerful demeanor quickly evolves into one which consists of slight panic, flush, irritation, a 'need to sell, the quicker the better' attitude.

A customer X walks in.

She says that she can't help us if that were the prices that we want and she goes to that customer, who's seemingly eyeing an article. Bro and mestarts leaving the shop. She's keeping us in a corner of her sight.

Upon the keeper's acquaintance, the customer gets a price quote and then leaves with a remark of how expensive it was.

Bro and I were then out of the shop. The keeper calls. I return on the second. Bro gives a dismissive wave without looking at her.

In the shop I take the second article we don't really want to buy and I ask her for a price. I told her that I might just buy that only since my bro is gone. 300 RMB.

Then my bro comes back and says that he wants to reconsider. Keeper says, last price, 7 items, 950 bucks.

"50 dollars?"

"ok, 900. any lower... I really cant sell it to you."

I take the item she quotes as worth $300.
"In that case, we don't want this either. The price can be better. 900-300 =600, no?"

Her mind was completely zapped! 300 bucks for that second item we dont want is, on itself, a ripoff because she can only quote any item at above its true price and slightly higher to accomodate for bargaining. Now we're using its cost and its potential profits against her. Meaning, if the actual price of the item was 20 and she quotes 30, naturally if we ask that item to be removed she'd say (price of 7 items) minus $20. but now, its (price of 7 items) minus $30.

She gives us a price of 600, naturally.

"that item costs 300 and you subtract its true price only?"

she argues that it comes with profits attached, but we get her to quote 550, saying that she doesn't want us to take away another article.

By now she was completely flushed and we've been going on for like, 20 minutes?

"kor, we go another shop buy from them at $500 lah.."

We start leaving the shop, speaking in english(which irritates her even more, like she's kept out of our story) and the keeper raises her voice. I don't know if vulgarities came or not.

"500 we buy."

By now she just wants to get rid of us and make any profit which comes attached to it.

"I really cant sell it to you at that price! 520 is the lowest I can go, or you'll just have to leave."

Bro gives me a nod. She's on an edge already and we don't want to go too far. Time's on our side for the past 20 plus minutes and we don't want her to get the feeling that we don't wanna waste time with her either. We also don't want her to simply give up in frustration and refuse to sell at any price we quote unless we go back to 2K.

We took the 6 items we wanted and gave her 530, $10 a tip to erase all that bad blood so that if we came back the next time she'd be easier on us than just screaming at us to get lost.

roughly S$110+ or so.

which is a 75% discount.

We walk away from the shop, huge bags, towards a waiting Customer X and her husband. Mum and dad.

Well, if you guys think that we got scammed spending 110 on soft toys or whatever, listen:

One of the items we bought was a 1GB SD memory card which sells at $109 in sim lim square. Go check out the pice yourself=)

Okay fellas all this bargaining sounds like mean stuff, but it's seriously fun (tho its quite sick fun)... But then the addiction to bargaining is there. Some people do buy what they don't need because they find bargaining there a thrill and end up spending a lot more... Yup. words of caution if u go to Zhuhai.

Well, we ended up in Shamrock again after a few days and after meeting some of Lippo's big shots over an informal lunch we were on a flight back to SG=> touching down at 1 or 2am and sleeping at 3.45...

After sleeping for 3 hours, I had to wake up for the start of my attachment at MOE, but that's another story:)

**You HAve reached the end of a dang long blog Ntry.**

2005-11-15T20:12:00.000-08:00

4 Days

It's 4 days since the last entry and life is goin by so fast, I'd believe that 4 days ago it was oct 31.
-random thought- Shit, I wish we had more LOTR. in DHS i was messing with sum crap n then sum1 else did sth similar.

This goes out to all those who read the last entry n got pretty shocked. Homie, I just thought over whatever I wrote and realised that I've singled out a whole race. My own! goodness.
I've committed Verbal Genocide.

So puakz was hovering the mouse arrow over the "delete entry" button but didn't because he'd like to keep it for the future where he can laugh at his own imaturities in his deathbed.

Anyway I thought that there's no reason to prosecute them any longer. Kinda pity them now.

News:

1)the pic i took off the note that was torn off got passed around the place and the guys got beaten up by an assortment of weapons.

2)Heard that sum1 smashed a fruit into the one of the guy's face in the cafeteria -cringes-

3)And that the little group of hackers are having a mini civil war amongst themselves now.

4)I found some explosives gone from my drawer the day b4 i shifted out on sat and my roommate said that they're being put to good use.

5)Just in: Laekew sent a message:
"Eh the hostel spent 2k to hire some ppl to kill the hacker. Lol saw them with some metropolice tag."

But enough with that.

There's this day kai n I were at the esplanut(more expensive than the 600k peanut) after her work was done, high on an overdose of mocchiato for her and a more conservative rhumba frap for me. As usual, every visit to the esplanut requires a tour of the little shop-lets which sell all kinds of necklaces and earrings and all other sorts of beautiful rubbish like that.

So Kai was looking through rings. The ones you wear on the finger. I said:

"You'll get one when you get married next time, man."

"No I'll get my husband to get me diamond. If he buys from here i'll bloody *&%^& him... damn cheapskate blah blah "(well tt was wad she said. roughly.)

"Nah, relax! I forsee your future hubby giving you two rings."

"Whoa. Why?"(her expression softened in fantasy of a really generous fiance.)

"He'll get you handcuffs-"(signal lost in frenzy of physical violations)

A few days later Krystle was with me at the same place, high on a korean-themed lunch at Marina. Just before we took off to the Esplanut we were kinda lost in the newly renovated areas, where some shops were already sprouting.

Then I found a really, really good clothes store. Skin. I just realised that I'm so damn suakoo, but not as much as other -ahem- people. Well, maybe not that suakoo, cos I doubt the place was even there 1 and a half months back. Its like a really advanced version of Samuel and Kevin. *HoLLa: YISH! THIS SHOP IS FOR YOU!* One of the shirts on display just blew me off. And then we chanced upon this biker syn. leather jacket from roxy that would look really good on krys or yao~* *HoLLa: YAO! THIS JACKET IS for YOU!*

Oh n kai, if you're sniggering reading the last para, don't talk to me about taste. Who was the one dissing -ahem- and now beggin to listen to him huh? HoHo.

Anyways, if you're someone else, and you're

1)Thinking that "Haha, those kinda shops are for losers, not really, but puakz you're a loser, cos your clothing sense is questionable";

2)Wearing green asics to VJ(***SnortsNortsnOrtsnoRtsnorT**);

3)Making cheesecake with the consistency of hippo crap(you should have seen the knife marks simply meld together and close behind the blade of the knife when the... thing was being cut. Classic.)

4)The kind who mixes nuts with blended oreo cookies (to keep the employment level of toilet bowls up?) But honestly, i think its quite nice, dude! Thanks for trying anyway=P

IF YOU'RE ALL OF THE ABOVE AND MORE:

Go spend time making cheesecake which stays solid. -_-"

Or buy a solid cheesecake from a store.

Find and tell her tt she has a nice ass.

Understand that not everyone has fantastic clothing sense as you.

Call up the girl again and tell her that she has a nice ass.

Keep up the exercise and protein meals for your triaths.

Understand that solid cheesecake wins prizes.

Remember to freeze the dang cake next time.

SELF before others is indeed a sin. Thanks for the cheesecake.

(note: This, in my opinion, is a nice ass.)

Erm for all you chums who're pretty confused, it's alright. We shall laugh over all these when we're toothless and wrinkly and full of pure, glorious cellulite. Like

"hErgHHErgH!hErghHerg -KoffKoff- hErgh! HErghhErghergH!!-Koff- hergh -Koff--WhEeeZE-"

Anyway, homies, what a long post this is. Well, Christmas is around the corner, so:

2005-11-12T04:41:00.000-08:00

Hostel Interneh
Lim peh ka li kong, finally for once can use the cheebye interneh in the cheebye hostel.
Ever since nim peh live here, want to see char bor means peeking into da next block. Cos interneh not working. Den cannot peek at char bor on da skreen.
The bleddy PRCs today put sum notice on the lift. They caught 5 peepur who work together as a team to block everyone else from using the internet, den they get their own super fast conneksion. Then they can do their work, and everyone else cannot use.

For one fucking year already, I tell you.

You fucking Cheena cheebyes, do you know how much you have put puakz through becos of this selfish reasons? Huh? Do you know he got so screwt doing his PW without an interneh tt he actually lived nights in Roxy square to get interneh? Huh?
Do you know your fucking acts made him cry cos his PW group leader thinks its all an excuse? When I didn't have my phone,

Then I saw this in the lift.

You bleddy motherfuckers still fucking DARE to WRITE OVER THE FUCKING POST ON THE LIFT THAT YOU 'ONLY BLOCK PEOPLE WHO BLOCKED YOU AT FIRST?!"

Listen, Mr. Luo Wei. I don't care how big your fucking Republic of Cheebye China is. Call yourself a Chinese? Where is your fucking sense of morality and pride huh? To date 15 notices have been put up to get u guys to own up for your deeds and stop even if you're anonymous. What cowards! Doesn't this reflect so much on your nationality huh, Chink? Only now when you're caught, you find excuses to try to exonerate yourselves? I've met respectable Chinese who have pride, dignity, and shame.

You are nothing but scum.

We locals pay tax to get you in here, to pay for your fuckin scholarships. And this is how our intentions are reciprocated. How could you look me in the eye as a stranger in the lift and say hi every morning, huh?

Call me blind for not knowing it was you, but you, sir, are shameless. YOU are a cheebye shameless Chink. I'm not ashamed to tell you my roomates have pooled in and bought a 15 inch meat cleaver the other day.

I'm not afraid to tell you that for the year of suffering I PERSONALLY endured, I'm going to give you some payback.

Mr Luo Wei, I just got a list of the hostel manifest. Someone's computer, electronics and all are going to blow up in the middle of the night. I'm not ashamed to say I've paid $125 to import about 30o grams of Composite B explosive which your grandfather was probably killed by in the Vietnam war. This time it's meant for his grandson. He'll be ashamed by your actions. He died proud, and you died a complete let down.

Then I'm going to stick all 15 inches of that meat cleaver in between your legs through the bed. You will understand what it means that you're too worthless a person for anyone to bother to kill. I'm going to torture you instead. Ever heard of sticking a penknife blade under your fingernails? You're gonna try that.

Your act, has caused me to get banned from the VJ wireless net because you used malicious programs to block everyone. I know. I was the one who was caught for having such a program in my system, Mr Luo Wei and company. I was the scapegoat. I was the one who got a letter from MOE and a warning fom the US. I was the one who everyone pointed an acusing finger at for disrupting school networks when, all the while, it was you. And you knew it all and you didn't bother to reveal that Ii'm innocent.

Listen, bitch. Fuck you. Just, fuck you, man.

You have caused 400 boarders 1 year of suffering. Deliberately. Intentionally. Without remorse. Without a sense of responsibility. morality.

I'm gonna get your scholarship terminated and I'm gonna get you expelled. Not in revenge, but for the good of everyone for you are unashamed of your acts and you are going to do the same thing again here should you be presented the opportunity to.

You don't deserve our financial help, acceptance, compassion.

Just get out of Singapore. Get the fuck out of my sight.

2005-11-09T07:39:00.000-08:00

Comatoes

What an eventful couple of days. All of which can't be published.

Anyway.

A couple of days ago on 93.8 fm there was this lil talk about casinos and the world sex survey of some sort.

Judging from the results, we're a pretty moral country. an average of 7 sex partners in a lifetime versus 9 on a worldwide average, extremely low sexual activity count(70 plus a year compared to 100plus average) and all other expected stuff.

But well, to all you TSD students: guess who tops all the charts?

The Greeks.

And even more stupid things along the way. There was this sex education kit somewhere which comes in a cd and is for kids. They were playing it on a TV in public and the uncle was there selling the CD or something. Walking by:

"If you masturbate too much, you'll run out of semen and become sterile."

I'm pretty sure that's it. I don't think I need to go much into detail at how stupid that was.

Oh. And.

"I can't feel my arms or legs... My fingers.... I'm getting comatoes."

Oh and as usual, surfing the net for some directorial shit, I happened to come across something about Hollywood actresses or whatever. Then came this:

"You've done a nice job decorating the White House."

—Pop star Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House.

And then came along the usual 'peanut forum' thing I have with a couple local guys who wanted to make a flash game on peanuts. Even better if other political shit could b included, and hence I was touring the net for foreign asshead stories compatible with ours. Naturally bush came to mind but it's more or less a cliche to use him now, and then Cheney. AH! The incident whereby he told the other senator to go f*** himself! a good one there.

Some research into original news stories for an accurate account of what really happened so we could pun without having to be sued for defamation. Naturally, what would be the most.... reliable source?

The Washington Times.

And so I searched for a digitized article of it online and then...
Put it this way:

"Cheney...responded with a barnyard epithet, urging Mr. Leahy to perform an anatomical sexual impossibility."

Urging Mr Leahy?! Urging him? Goodness! Imagine the kids taking SAT2s on American Literature. They'd be studying this shit!
And what if they study American History? Into the toilet goes the Revolution, the fight against slavery, "I Have A Dream" and what'd we gotta?

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -George Bush.

"http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=976 "
(Let it load it'll play on its own.)

We all know the world's gone to the dogs when the best rapper's white and the best golfer's black.

God. Blow us all to hell.

2005-11-04T07:58:00.000-08:00

Teh Kopi Kartel

Well admittedly there's nothin scandalous behind the TCC meeting which so violently interrupted A53's class gathering.

Puakz met Kai on business terms.

He wants a number that she has and she has no idea what he's gonna do with it.

I can't elaborate too much on the content, but there are two golden phrases in that forty plus minute conversation that stoodout as "stories to write down for the grandchildren".

So jokingly, a dare became a serious issue.

"Kai, what if I happen to be your brother in law?"
"I'll gun you down."

Pure, kai stuff. Nothing tickles more. Come on! It's like a really civilized convo, and suddenly

"I'll gun you down."

Nowadays, with every little frustration i encounter, a visual image in my head loads a slug into the chamber of a .50 AE. The slidepulling action, the emptying of the previous round- so vividly. and while whatever she said was funny, it was also, deep in, scary. gutless scary because it reminds me that the sliding action and all might be the gun in kai's hand and she's gonna execute me, Latino style.

"I'll gun you down."

Next one for the grandchildren:

"Ha, wait and see, what if I marry your sister, and we'll have lots of kids."

"200 years later, you know the family tree thing that people draw? You'll end up as a burnt out hole on the paper."

Another Kai Classic.

Unfortunately... If I marry your sis, Kai, and w end up having kids,
my 'grandchildren' who'll be hearing all these stories...

will wonder what kind of a grandaunt u are with a parang in a hand and a .50 AE in the other.

"Granddaddy, what kinda a woman is grandaunt?"

"Uh, in our time we had movies, in in my teenage years we had movies like LAra Croft and Domino: I am a bounty hunter and Xena: Warrior Princess.

These shows, kids, were possible because grandaunt didn't audition in em. Her directors frequented the Straits Times Orbituaries

2005-11-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

More Vulgarities

hoho chums. The an update from the last entry. Kai's tagboard, famous for its censorship features, under siege by mysterious good looking dark guys:

saif: **** i juz wanna mother-****ing try this bull**** sensor of yours.. haha... **** IT'S COOL ****!!!! HAHA.. ooopz

10 points for Saiful! 5 points for supporting puakz' theory.
saif clinches 15 points!

kai: [saif][puAkz] you fags! rowell you piece of c_rap you started the corruption of my tagboard with your terrible language! i'm NOT playing pool with you muahahaha

10 points for Kailing! For effectively defending her tag from corruption. Kai receives an extra 5 points for pointing out that saif and puakz are fags!
kai clinches 15 points!

kai strikes again!

kai: [zzzz] i'm a changed girl. really! i have cleaned up my language a lot

**SYSTEM OVERLOAD**

-999 points for Kailing! Kai has been ousted from the game.

**REASON: THIS TAGBOARD SCORING SERVICE IS ALLERGIC TO BULLSHIT.**

hoho.

2005-11-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

Vulgarities and Coffee

Okay chums. two things. Will talk about vulgarities first.

After days of blog hunting:

Now we all know that in the friggin tagboard, vulgarities appear as asterisks. for example bitch becomes ***** and so on. Even transformations of f-words are censored, like when you wanna say ***ing they give you ****ing. and when you're talking about taking a poo it comes out as ****.

Read this(FROM AN ACTUAL BLOG).

"Oh my gosh! i simply ADORE the new pussy you got. Nice orange fur and its like so cuddly. Hope it doesn't shit the sofa!"

"Oh my gosh!i simply ADORE the new ***** you got! Nice orange fur and its like so cuddly. Hope it doesn't **** the sofa!"

In the latter, the asterisks allow for vivid imagination to come about, does it not?

Now. back to what I was saying. Extracts from kai's chatbox(in chronological order):

"-puAkz-: [---] guy yeah it doesnt, but its fun...[kai] pool, dudette. LEGAL and PARENT-APPROVED. if the latter isn't, man, can't help ya."

now that's normal, yeah?

look at this.

"kai: [puAkz] not this week. i'm **** busy"

If only we knew what letter was in place of the first asterisk.

and then some guy went

"zzzz: my my, what happened to your grammar, shouldn't it be ****ing busy, haha"

I laughed my pants off that one.
So, here's a final entry to end the entire episode.

"-puAkz-: this comment box has self censor lah. you try to type "b!tch" it comes out *****, try fcuk it comes out ****."

I was so pleased with my ability to note how the system worked.
So i decided to continue:

" totally dumb. but i think there r options to turn the *****-****ing auto censor **** off."

Swear, when i saw the line appear on the tag board as it appeared before my eyes the blood just drained out. Now I don't think the "zzzz" guy is a dumbass anymore.

NUMBER TWO

Coffee.

Now Vern and I were bull****ting (hoho.) until late at night.

Dad comes home at 2am from Johor.

"Hello."
He had this really wierd grin/smirk on his face.

I mean, he's my dad, but seriously the first thought that goes through me mind-'guai lan. what's he up to?"

Plops a bag of instant coffee on the table.

"Eh... why you buy instant coffee, we got a lot around already what!"

"For your hostel use."

Wearing the same smirk he walks into the room. His steps seemed especially light.

I was thinking, maybe he won 4D or something, or managed to get some stuff at a really good deal in Johor.

So I continued typing on the com. Ignored the pack on the table. Had tonnes of PW.

After which for some reason I just picked up the pack of coffee because it's not usual for him not to get White Ipoh Coffee Instant Mix(our favourite.) And this particular pack wasn't brown and white in colour.
So I read-

"Coffee
-With Tongkat Ali"

There's really nothing which could describe the shrieking laughter resonating through the nooks and crannies of Bukit Timah then. Wonder how many people turned in their sleep and muttered "Aww, shut the **** up"(hoho.)

Anyway.

I related that fact to Vernie once my fingers stabilized. What happened next was classic.

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
huh?

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
wad e hell is tongkat ali?

I wonder how many dead WW2 casualties turned in their mass graves in the Bukit Timah region.

Then. Before I could clarify:
*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
hahahahahahaa

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
hey ali!

She thinks that the guy who invented that age-old-recipe mix is a deceased guy called Tongkat Ali.
Nevermind.

Condition Kosong (yours truly)says:
its a substance which has the same empowering effects as viagra.

Then I turned the package over and I read the Chinese instructions behind.

"Mildura fragrant coffee (with tongkat ali) uses coffee beans and tongkat ali mixed together. It is fragrant, unique, smooth and delicate, and the pleasure comes from within..."

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
so r u gonna drink it?

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
for oh-so-innocent purposes of cos

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
like staying up late at night to STUDY

ERROR: PUAKZ LAUGHTER-NEURAL SECTION IN OVERLOAD

Since when was tongkat ali a constituent of Red Bull?!

*!*blusher*!*#[05.a52 FM] if God had a name, what wld it be & wld u call it to his face? says:
ur father rocks

And i gotta admit, among the mental convulsions and physical spasms, I couldn't agree less with her.

2005-10-31T22:21:00.000-08:00

Calling to all PaiKias and SeeGinNas! To all AhBengs and Ah Lians!
The event to krush all events is here! Presenting: The

Chap Sar Tiam Recruitment Drive 2005

ErHEm!

Nim Peh Ka Li Kong, Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society is THE premier group to sign up with. Why sign up with Chap Sar Tiam? Because we provide countless leadership positions and there are opportunities for all!

As a premier Secret Society, we only recruit the most elite. We only accept the best and we believe in meritocracy. Hence, we have pretty substantial requirements, and the purpose of this is to make sure that everyone will be developed to the fullest of their potentials.

Hence, CSTSS is divided into three main sections:

Supreme Order of the Mastermind

Middle Order of Office

The Chap Sar Fist Faction.

In the Supreme Order of the Mastermind, only the top are eligible. Anyone who wishes to join the reveled S.O.M. should bring along their 'O', 'A' and Higher Education Qualifications, after which they all go through selection tests, interviews, and hours of gruelling psychological tests to eliminate chances of spies from other Secret Societies from entering our very top echelon and hence infiltrating our system.
However, if you happen to be excessively influential, you may proceed directly into our S.O.M. as an executive as long as a suitably large... donation is made. S.O.Ms are the financial and mental backbone of the S.S. because they plan anything from illegal activities to neighbourhood battle tactics. But they do not get their hands dirty. Even if they decide to upgrade the guys in Chap Sar Fist Faction from broken beer bottles and sticks to molotov cocktails and parangs, efficiently killing hundreds of other gang members in a single night, the bloodshed will be all blamed on the armed individuals, not on the S.O.Ms. If the police come, the S.O.M.s get away scot free. If the police don't come, then the S.O.M.s take all the glory.
The S.O.M. is the top in the hierarchy as well as the best paid. As executives, their main jobs include going to pubbing, clubbing and dining with top members of other organisations. As such lifestyles are extremely difficult to maintain and require enormous amounts of brainwork, each S.O.M. member is paid about twenty times that of an average Fist Faction member. S.O.M. applicants whould have the following traits:

Unpretentious.
Others Before Self.
If there's suffering, share it.
(But if there's money, horde it.)
If there's a fight, lead and command.
(But if there's bloodshed, hide and run.)

The Middle Order of Office is the medium between the Supreme Order of the Mastermind. Like Officers, they keep the boys with the beer bottles in check, organised and refined so they don't kill each other. Like Representatives, they collate grievances from the Faction of the Fist, translate all of them into a single sheet document, summarise and abbreviate as much as possible, then censor and send it up to the S.O.M.s as laughing material. They essentially, for some reason, get the orders from S.O.M.s to the Fist Faction, and the loot and good news from each plundering from the FF to the S.O.M.s. M.O.O.s are quick thinking individuals who can relate to the masses(the FF) as friends and the elite S.O.M.s as gods. However, a M.O.O. is as far as you can go as long as you don't have the right paper qualifications or if you aren't rich. You will be stuck in this comfortable position for the rest of your life. Of course, occasional perks will make your life happier than you think. To make sure that M.O.O.s are "in the crowd" with the Fist Faction people, M.O.O.s don't earn much more than them. This is to promote comradeship and give M.O.O.s the incentive to slog harder for better pay and better lives.(*However, a M.O.O. is as far as you can go as long as you don't have the right paper qualifications or if you aren't rich. You will be stuck in this comfortable position for the rest of your life.)

Ah! Fist FAction Brudders! If you don't understand most of what is above and this is like the only sentens you can read, den Feest Faksion is for YOU! Don't teenk anymore- less questions, more konclusions, more evaluasions! and if you dunno what the last two words mean, nevermind! bECause fist faction cares about your feesikle POWER, not stupidity! Who cares abour the dunno what pang sai S.O.M.s? Nabeh! Feest faction is THE IN THING! In Feest faksion, we just do our job! veri professional! the more closely we stick to what the ch**by*s in S.O.M.s say, the more professional we are. Feest faksion doesnt just mean everyone chiong and tio hoot you know! we also do things like exchanging mysterious packages without revealing any ekspression or emotion! Wah sibeh sui right? Like movie liddat know! Still wait for what? No cert? Who careS? as long as you can carry a parang or throw a tiger beer bottle pretty accurately, don't just sit there bleddy cho boh! Join us! Be A Man. Do The Right Thing. Who says its easy being a Feest Faksion member? Nao Hiah! You will go through the challenges of being a beng- watch you friends writhe in agony in pools of blood and spilling internal organs as you continue to fight on for them! Watch the sheer joy of robbing a bank and passing the money to the M.O.O.s to the S.O.M.s as if money is no big thing! Wah damn seh leh liddat, not meh?! And even better, you will all have tonnes of chio bus to entertain also. Lim Peh ka Li Kong! The S.O.M.s think money is everything! but to us, no man! Nabeh, we all know that glory and comradeship is the true essence of life siah. Please lah! Movie Heroes very rich meh? They always place other before self for a better world and glory to their society! Kao Peh, if you are stew reading dis, You are a bleddy sucker man. Wanna compare frags with your udder Feest members? Be A Man! Find Your Manhood! Honor and Glory! No Need So Much Money! Top The Trend!

...Join Our Gang!
(**edited by S.O.M. anon. member)

So chums, please remember to being along your I/Cs, fake I/Cs, O Level, A Level and other certs, $$ if you wanna be an S.O.M. real quick, your own parang if you think beer bottles won't be enough to do shit.

What you waiting for?!

Call us at 1800-266-87 for an appointment today!(1800-CON-US). We will dispatch a 3-man Feest team to esort you to our secret hideouts, depending on where you live, then bring you to our S.O.M. headquarters for an interview.

Chap Sar Tiam. For a Better Life.

2005-10-27T22:38:00.000-07:00

Blood Hound

I miss home.
Well, for the bar, mostly=>
So living in the hostel calls for some.. upgrades.
Laekew and I shared a couple bucks and we now have our very own Ultramini bar top/LAN centre/Pub/Gym/Movie Theatre/Armory all in a single room.

A pull up/ flip bar is installed at the door. Dumbbells.
Joining of 3 desks and a 4-computer LAN setup.
Heroes 3, WoG, Rise of Nations, Generals, RA2, CS.
A mini DJ-style iPod+iPod photo+Zen Touch console. 40 Gb of songs.
Killer 'woofers, an amp, 2 speakers(a woofer and 2 more speakers coming soon.)
Modified shelf for a chiller, 'shot glasses', opener;
Jackie Chan, Twins, Jay Chou, Tony(ha, biatch!)and other movie posters dominate the wall.
A whole load of dvds, watch one thrice a week, or in the case of American Pie, an all-night long movie marathon. Exorcist. America: World Police. Fahrenheit911. Spongebob. And others.
bacardi breezer, absolut vodka, black cat whiskey, WKD, carlsberg, heineken, Alize(coming soon!),Cordon Bleu(GOOD STUFF, coming soon) and my ex-principal's Martell(hoho.) and the non alc stuff-coke, green tea, bundaberg, assortment of concentrate for mixing which wouldnt fit the bar so just stashed them in a corner.
Tony might get his 4 foot mini pool table in sometime soon. cool beans.

I swear, the electrical stuff next to my desk gives off an ominous hum. But usually the music drowns it out.

this week is Bloodhound Gang week.

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

Another one is stuck in my head.

Yeah I'm hung like planet Pluto hard to see with the naked eye,But if I crashed into Uranus I would stick it where the sun don't shine,Cause I'm kind of like Han Solo always stroking my own wookie,I'm the root of all that's evil yeah but you can call me cookie,The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire,The roof
the roof
the roof is on fire
we don't need no water let the motherf*cker burn
burn motherfu*ker
burn

What a way to drown your problems in. Liquid and auditory catharsis. hail.

Everybody here we go,Ohh Ohh,C'mon party people,Ohh Ohh,Throw your hands in the air,Ohh Ohh,C'mon party people,Ohh Ohh,Wave 'em like you don't care,Ohh Ohh,C'mon party people,Ohh Ohh,Everbody say ho,Ohh Ohh,C'mon party people,Ohh Ohh,Everybody here we go.

2005-10-24T02:52:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Puakz has officially lost his phone.
It was last seen in a LAN centre in Bukit Timah Plaza.
An SL65.
Some scratches.
Goes by the number 91873389.

Alarm is set at 7.30 am.

Ringtone is Jay Chou's <>

A bus ticket with a 16 digits scrawled at the back stuffed behind the battery.

The Phone is also filled with:

Numbers

Pictures

Files

and, most importantly,

Memories.

Please contact Puakz at 64649198 if you find this phone.

************

Puakz is just completely drained now. Jesus. He will post more numbers to reach him at as time passes, but well thats about it. May contact him at puakzfaction@hotmail.com.

2005-10-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

Ta Greetings
On the first economics/math lecture of the year, before the 2nd batch came in- there was this toot toot person sitting next to me with huge red specs. She owned a custom made rubber stamp and then we started abusing it to imprint graffiti upon everyone else's arm or lecture notes.
Those were the days.
Who knew that months later one of the biggest impressions I had on this tootsie were still the impressions on the little rubber stamp; and hence, i started to make a wax copy of it dead in the middle of the night before the promos in school:

Impressive, eh? Just digging out old photos in my phone. Sweeter stuff are to come:

Snails. Really juicy snails. They are arguably the major population of VJC.

A whole City of snails. Very Juicy City. Sometimes you just wonder what happens when you very very quickly whip off the shell of a snail when it's crawling up a wall. Or what will a snail do when it's experiencing the G-forces of a plane accelerating to supersonic speeds when it's stuck on the outside of the pilot's bubble canopy... There you go, world's fastest snail.
Or load one in a handheld catapult and try to punch a hole in a concrete wall with it. Point Blank.

Well, lovely handphone memories. Whoopee!

2005-10-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

Good ol' Damon. Hail yeah.

2005-10-21T08:22:00.000-07:00

Half

Half a point makes all the difference.

It's like the single ounce in a balancing scale of tonnes which tips everything over.

Talia collected every single paper, save TSD for me. It wasn't cos I was lazy or anything to get 'em myself, but then considering all the crap I went through during the exams, each time a paper comes back I'd either be bonked out to delay the time the news arrive; or fear would be grabbing me by the neck and shaking me like a martini. A rock-hard martini. Then it lets you go whimpering and comforting yourself for a moment.

Following that fear strikes again by the throat and goes hard at it again (his nekke shakketh.)

SO til now I haven't seen my lit papers..

Anyway.

GP-B
Math-F
TSD-B
Lit-B
Econs-C

Goodness. I can't believe I was laughing when I got my math back. In Primary school, getting anything below 80 was worth considering suicide.

Maybe it's because 15 is just like, the most ridiculous thing you ever see on the paper in J1. Why the big difference in both grade and attitude?
Ah! We should explore this. Ta-da! Behold-Theatre of the Ludicrous/Theatre of the Beyond-Absurd.

Imagine TSD students in the future, study this type of theatre and actually feeling sorry for their ancestors having to go through such a whoop-ass education system. Or maybe in the NEAR future, they might well relate to this form of theatre best, no?

Anyway.

GP+a lil' mark=A.
Lit+a teeny mark=A.
TSD+a weeny mark=A.
Econs+an insignificant mark=B.

Math+1 mark=Fail.
Triple my math results=Still Fail.

I envy those guys who got single digit scores. Mr Koh: "If only your grades were your O Level L1R5 results..." I don't mind trading 14 marks in math to score an extra point in any other subject. I mean, it's not that I don't respect the subject or anything, but what's the diff between a guy who gets "1" and a guy who gets "29", barely missing an "O" grade?

The latter's a loser and the former's just a nutcase.
The latter is going to scream and cry and do anything for one mark.
The former is simply going to laugh at the latter:"Ho, if only I could pass mine to you. Loser."

Anyways PANASONIC came back!

Dogma didn't make it. Ho... I was pretty disappointed for quite a while. But no excuse-it was a rush job, done in a week, and it was pretty good exploring into the untouched genres of film as well, fantastic actors, good angles, bad directing perhaps, or a cocked storyline. But the initial shock was quite funny...A bit bhb but just like grades, its hard to accept a 15 when a couple years ago you've been hitting high.

Maybe in the past, getting prizes in the competitions were a form of 'employment pay' for the time spent on all the months of work and effort, taken for granted...

Nowadays standards are higher and the challenge is there, and for the first time you feel an inexplicable loss when you find out that for once you don't win. Need to buck up, push aside the complacency, invest in the correct time and effort this time round. No more rush jobs.

Eh! make a good one this time can?! I'm sick of your old stuff.

2005-10-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

A Canon XL2.
A canon XL2

a canonxl2
a canon xl2.

canon.

xl2

its getting smaller.

im losing touch at pool. completely, totally.... its reduced to a state whereby im like trashed by damon. reduced completely.

i feel that my films are getting more and more farcical and stylistic instead of more to-heart and personal. they don't speak in the language of feelings anymore. they just... i don't know, 'suck' ain't the right word, but they're just losing the quality they used to have

i have many things undone. sva. moe film. canon. panasonic. getting the info to priya. shes been telling me for ages and i nv seem to find the time. i have yet to sign up for daryl or ivan either. im thinking of dropping the OGL stuff. ive been asking for help cos i didnt sign on monday-wasn't there.

my attitude sucks. i'm pressing for films in short and shorter time limits-trash input, trash out. its getting worse. i even THINK that doing something fast is good but now? no way.

i disappointed my pw group. efforts are in but shit happens and,
i disappointed my pw group, lost my cool on a girl, i disappointed mat. chua.
i disappointed NKG probably. i know what i did for chaucer. i cant say that i tried my 100% year in and out, but 70% is there, but who cares? i didnt meet xpectations.

sucks ass.

shaun.kim.lofty young and low. i owe u all film copies. i say thanks when you give encouragements but really... my stuff's..embarassment, all in one word.

and ive been calling, where are you? ran away.

y are people so happy with life?

i just watched michael moore's fahrenheit. switched it off halfway becos the book is the exact same thing.

john's Ntry reminds of how others suffer in the dark as well. so thats not too bad.

i cant live a week w/o alc anymore. its liquid catharsis, honestly, and w/o it i'd have landed up in IMH a long time ago or starred in the obituaries.

tt is, if anyone cared.

great, one more holiday season wasted on commitments and work.

i havent found my TSD IS piece.

nor any ideas for a group piece.

and i dont wanna lead anymore things.

but im not a good worker either. im like, f***ed over?

cant imagine actually completing a cohesive OP with the current going-ons with my PW grp.

totally sian.

when she calls u out of TSD tutorial with a friend...it feels like a presence-induced rape. Two people cornering you to a door, the door's unlocked and you may run in anytime but their gaze and words just lock you there like a trapped animal.

i disappointed.

2005-10-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

Lim Peh really dunno what happened.
That see gin na came back from school, still ok.
Get into the shower, still fine.
Then his handphone ring. SMS, so I never pick up.
He come out, still okay.
Then he take that bleddy phone and read the SMS while I was attacking some fortification in HeroesIII-WoG. Hooting some town called a Lampart or Rampart or something(sounds like Lam Par.)
I didn't see his reaction when he picked up the phone lah, too bleddy engrossed in kewwing the Lam Par's archers.
Suddenly he just rush out of the room swearing like nobody need to pay liddat.
Muttering all those words that little chewrens should never repeat.
I heard something about Pee-Dubliu or something. Must be that see gi na join some see gin na no standard gang or something. What a loser name for a secret society.
Then he took a phone call. Came back with his usual vodka and mango.
Siao eh! Nowadays kids how come so early age start with all these bad habits?! He continue like this ah, he'll either die earlier than me because of some liver problem, or i'll have to donate my liver to him. Loodicrous!
Then he just sat and didn't say anything.
And I just pwned the Lam Par, ballista their wall like free liddat.
Suddenly he just finished everything and started some spastic mutter again.
KNN! they keew my bone dragon. Bleddy shit! He think he got some problem can come and karchiaow my game ah?!
Then that see gin na left again. Don't tell me this time it's a weeskee.
He took quite long leh. Like, a few hours. I hoot all the pai kia in the scenario alreddy.
Then he called for a few moments, b4 I can shout "teng chu lar! kui tiam liao?!" he just said his batt was low and don't worry and I swear I heard some sniffing from the other side, den the battery died.

Sometimes I worry for that kid.

He's barely seventeen and half the time I dunno what he doing. Last month he chalked up quite a bill for long distance calls. Can't say which country, lah. Den nowadays finish exam still so guai lan, suddenly wake up last few nights for something, and now..

Now it's 5.30 a.m. and he's not even back.

2005-10-14T17:09:00.000-07:00

13th Oct
omfg. best birthday in a couple years=>
I mean, for a couple years back, all my birthdays were spent sitting in an exam.
No longer, homie! And the difference that alone makes is astounding.
After the last lil bits of filming I went home, and....
as usual, mum forgot what date it was -_-"

but my aunt of all people remembered at that was bdae cake number 1! she barged in and mum was like, "whose birthday ah?"

then dad came in with a second one!

...but I couldn't stay long cos had to fly to Clarke Quay to meet yao.
waddaheck! got lost.
but then we found our way and the dinner alone made up for everything! it was SUPA-nice. (take my word for it, coffee conn. with beanbags for seats rocks.)

wow and the prex too! All Day I Dream About Sports.
nothin like a special day out with a bez fren.

but OH SHIT! was late for 8pm Twisted with ta baby, yeek, marc and bern(baby burn).

So i went down to chase yao and we just crapped by the riverside. VERBALLY.

And after the show I went to find the fo' sho' people as mentioned above. Dang. it was a good show... (TA OMG THANKS FOR EVERYTHING! but i cant mention it here. will be completely maluated=> luv the mag!)

Maybe I might get to watch tomorrow nite! All Day I Dream About Theatre.

Friday?

But freaks wanna go indochine the next day (which is today)...

Saturday?

'ozoids and 4A going somewhere.

Sunday?

might wanna meet melody @CHC. And a celebration at hostel too.

ahhhh....shiit.

Anyways, went to the hostel... tony and liu not ard, so just chop ChOP grab stuff to chiong to vj at like, 12am? Laekew going to marathon the American Pie Series overnight. AHHHH STIFLER"S MOOOOMMM! BAND CAMP! FLUTES!"Jim, you're the only guy I know whose dick needs an instruction manual." ROFL

dota(ed) a bit also... broodmother is plain way SICK. hope it gets nerfed on the next edition.

oh and HCI's having a halloween party! MUAHAHAHA my dreams of doing the "going down?" satan spoof may come true. Gotta dig for costumes... MUAHAHAHHAHAHAH (Oh and good heavens Laekew didn't continue Pie Series with the Exorcist Series.)

And makoto,
I've got 99 bitches and you ain't got one
if you want any of my bitches come and find me son
Hit me! Yeah! The Jay-Z remix 2005!

Nice one, buddy.

And before I end, chums, here's another seriously good JayZ oldie to consider.

Bonnie and Clyde

Seriously, that rapper's sharing the throne with Em'.

2005-10-08T04:56:00.000-07:00

Sianness.
I don't know whats going on man. Think I'm going crazy.
You know the world's gone crazy when the best golfer's a black and the best rapper's a white.
Of all my papers, only GP was normal...
From Madness Monday on:
1) Woke up at 8.30 for an 8.00 chinese paper. The teacher called me awake.

2) Started paper at 8.45 cos I chiong there. I forgot to bring my pen.

3) Tio lecture by the HOD until 8.50 am. I have 40 minutes left for my compo.

4) Finished my Chinese paper! AHH! Heng ah. The moment I finished my summary section, half a minute left on the clock, I turned the page and started to arrange my work....and saw the summary passage there. I've summarized my compre passage. Hooray.

5) Went back to hostel, didn't have much to say. I mean, heck. And guess what! Someone new moved in. Who? An ex-DHS senior Tony Lim. Okay lah, not so bad, but still, its madness.

6) Left hostel half an hour early for Econs. Took the wrong bus, 155, ended up in Siglap.

7) AHA! I knew it, something will happen along the way. So I cheerfully message Talia to tell her of my plight, and began walking to VJ. I won't be late*smirk*I've outsmarted fate.

8) The moment I took my first step away from the unsheltered bus stop, Sky decided to let it rain.-Fate earns a point! FIRST BLOOD!-

9) Effectively walked in the heavenly pee all the way to VJ. Almost got hit by a cab.-Fate earns a point! MEGA KILL!- Cabby was in a rush to send his passenger, who, unlike me, is dry, warm, and not going for an exam. Ta said, she'll give Lofty a notice that I'm in these circumstances.

10) Made it nicely into the exam venue, and whoopee, I didn't bring any pens.-Fate earns a point! Fate is OWNING!-

11) Got a pen and then started. The heavenly pee was being transferred
from my hair onto the paper. -Fate earns another point in a row! DOUBLE KILL! -

12) Couldn't finish the paper. -Fate earns yet another point! TRIPLE KILL!-

13) Goes back to the hostel and the matron has taken my laptop off Tony's table onto the floor. Which is fine, except for the fact that she stacked my math, lit, econs, gp files, plus photostated TSD books and a John Sloman 2004 edition on it. -Fate earns a point! WICKED SICK!-

And there ends Monday.

Here comes Torturous Tuesday.
14) I arrived fine, due to the fact that I left 2 hours early. Bus overshot the stop and i walked back.(HAHA! NO MORE, FATE! NO MORE!)

15) And then, in the treehouse, realised that it today's lit was Hughes and Chaucer, not Unseen. Half an hour before the paper.

16) Harris cycled happily by while I was still stunned by 2). "Two hours, folks! not two and a half!" Puakz is now stunned by 3) as well.

17) Finished the paper. Not a single quote in Chaucer. Quotes messed up in Hughes. "Physics and Scripture giving its mishmash of lessons" instead of "Reality was giving its lesson, a mishmash of Physics and Scripture". Nabeh.

18) During the mid years, Harris saw me leave lines and he went "No, don't leave lines. Only kindergarten kids do that." Now I didn't, so when he came for Chaucer first, I gleefully said "Look! No lines!"-Puakz is earning a point!-

20) When he came back for Hughes, he stopped for a moment and left 50 cents on my table. "Go get yourself a comb!" -Point Denied- Good lad! That really made me feel better somewhat. A human face to an invigilator. Wonder what he'll say the next time round.

21) Tony and Company played Heroes of Might and Magic until 4am. I'm stoned. Heng I don't take Hist.

End of Tuesday.

Wednesday.(no prefixes.)

22) No paper! but got math tomorrow. Slight fever.

23) Went out for some pool with Tony and Laekew. Laekew owned everyone. Sianness. Then Tony owned me in Heroes. He just started playing. Sheer luck.

24) Tony got me a Heineken. Bottle. Popped it and found out that i can't do math tipsy. Shit. I'm dead for tomorrow.

25) In an attempt to pass math notes to a fellow female boarder, I stuck the notes in a cookie box from Yish, and hurled it over to the girl's block, 8 storeys above the ground and about 15 metres away. It stood on the railing for a moment and then fate decided that it was the best time to send some wind.
Gravity did the job of letting it fall 7 storeys onto the 2nd storey roof. Great! no more math notes.

Terrible Thursday.

26) Math gayed me as usual.

27)Realised that I didn't read Unseen lit notes.

28) So, got gayed by lit as well.

29) By the way, I didn't bring my pens for lit either.

30) Realised that I haven't touched Oedipus for TSD tomorrow.

31) So went back early to read it through, but found that I left my Oedipus in my Signature Park home.

32) Frustration drove me to find Damon for pool and help him in Econs. Got owned again(by SHEER luck, every table. I'll WHOOP yo' ass when I'm in luck again).

33) Then i coached Laekew in math until 3am.(Ha. How ironic.)

34) Got a call from dad that my mum's in a hospital in Thailand, taking an Op now. Hell.

Then was the TSD paper and I slept all of Friday away on a Carlsberg from Tony.

2005-09-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

Loh Kun

Ang mor say, UK got 4 seasons, Singapore got only 1 season.

Lim peh ka li kong, Singapore got many seasons. Es-pecially these few years.

This year got Great Singapore Sale season, got TT Durex condom season, got Denki Fever season, nabeh, Singaporeans shop for anything also got season.

Now leh? Mugging season. You see, all the young peepur ah, whatever they do also mug. Eat char kway teow in Killiney Kopitiam also mug. Eat chicken in Kentucky also mug. Gangster eat Ken-Tuah-Kee in Geylang, also mug.

In dis hostel, PRCs pang sai, pang jio, pak chiu cheng also mug.

I teow you, now doctors ah, damn pro, dey invent a new medicine summore. I hear is gahmen's Sai Koh Lor Ji Ker Defence in action.

Monday morning always got teenagers outside the clinic, complain tio cancer lah, tio Denki Fever lah, pang sai cannot stop lah, want abortion lah, the doctor write prescription until even themselves cannot read, den nurse give wrong medicine and everyone really tio cancer lah, tio Denki Fever lah, Pang sai cannot stop lah, or overnight get pregnant and next morning miscarriage.

Mugging season different story.

I see got one doctor ah, damn pro man. He Monday morning mass print prescription, say the sick peepur all must go for Mugging Therapy, everybody go there queue up pay money and take printed prescription.

I see the peepur ah, see they need to take mugging therapy all face turn white and den all their problems gone! Nowadays where can find doctor got so tok kong one?!

Since nobody do dis nowadays much, den I shall become a Doctor lah. Confirm earn $One Peanut like mah jiam pang sai ah!

Of cos, I got do my research. Want to become a Loh Kun not easy! Cannot sit in Kopitiam chor boh lan. But I teow you, all doctors must satisfy two conditions.

1) They must be gay.

2) Their gay partners must be straight.

See? Satisfy the first condition easy, go Changi, free lessons and tutorials.

Second one not so easy. Where got normal guys want to have relationship with gays?

But boh pian! You want to become a doctor, you must have a:

M.B.B.S.(My Boyfriend Buay Song).

Now you know why want to become Doctor so difficult? At the same time ah, when you go Changi Village and learn to gao gay, you cannot piss off your teecher! Udderwise, you get a:

T.I.B.S.(Teacher Is Buay Song)

Den you become a taxi driver, damn toolan. Of cos lah, half the peepur learn halfway and damn sick to continue to gao gay. These peepur will get a

D.B.S.(Damn Buay Song.)

Not bad what, can become a banker. Then read up on Singapore banking law, work for a few years,make some money, be nice to the teller and f*** her if you can, and learn all the security bypass.

Then bypass all the security, force the teller to be nice don't try to f*** with you, kope some money, go overseas for a few years, and bank away from the Singapore law.

Just be careful, don't let gahmen catch you. Even if you are hiding next to Osama, local police damn tok kong sure find you in a few hours.
Worst come to worst, you go jail and share a cell with your teecher from Changi Village...

Den he play your backside until your kar chng peet, and you Ah Nee Ao Lan(ANAL) arredy.

2005-09-25T02:23:00.000-07:00

A Letter to the Readers

Now I don't wanna be no woman
but this bitch got it coming
Someone better get this Durai like in the Merchant of Venice
When Shylock asked for a pound of young Antonio's heart
But Bassanio and his girlfriend saved young Antonio's butt
God, if I were Durai's judge I say "OFF WITH HIS PENIS!"
With a chainsaw, garden shears or a huge pair of scissors
"Oh no," you say, "won't that be overkill? Jesus Christ.
With a PEANUT that small, a nail clipper would suffice."
Look, I ain't got nothin' personal against that guy
But seriously, that mudder-****er simply deserves to die
Thinkin 'bout it, man, back in the years when I was in Secondary
Taking a NKF card home for donations to the sick was compulsory
In the four years I slogged, I ain't even got 500 bucks
That's a THIRD of his PAY in a single DAY, what the f***!
My money is meant for the SICK, you piece of shit
Not for you to spend on a gold tap a car or your wife's tits!

The people are suffering! What on Earth are we doing?
Why are the rich smug and smiling? Why are the children crying?
Listen, there's no denying that something is happening.
Look at the Husband and wife.Then look- no kids!
Low birth rate. What's up? IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR DEEDS!
No father in the world, not me, nor a loving mother
Will want his or her child to be born to suffer.
Think about it! Its not because the people ain't family enough
Or that the mother's infertile or that the father lacks buff
Stop blaming the people! And even if guilty why should we take blame?
People like Mr. Durai has put all of Singapore into shame.
Say, if the leaders can't lead us from Night to Light
Which we believe they'll do and is true and is right
We're like rabbits with carrots stuck on our tails
Everytime we 'progress' a little, something else fails
Just like when you chase your tail round and round all day
You find that the carrot seems farther and farther away

We march and go forward
With dreams that should come true
No Singaporean at heart
Doesn't know what a Singaporean should do
Not even the road sweeper I see in Aljunied
He's without family and lives in Kallang gutter
When the charity show started you know what he did?
He donated to make someone else's life better
He could have eaten slightly less for lunch for a month
But to him, the $15 well spent didn't matter
As long it could give an anonymous patient a chance
It was money well spent, though it was for a stranger.
Even for teenagers across the island, young and angsty
Deep inside we're sad but we show that we're angry
There are so many young leaders here who wish really to make
This world a better place when so many lives are at stake
So many youngsters who reach out and touch the world a little way
By building homes for fellow Asians, who have no place to stay
Because of Natural disasters. Like the Tsunami. Floods. Hunger.
We have none of these here, but then why a Human-related disaster?
Look at those faces who arrive at the airport every day.
They've helped people live better lives, from far away.
When they return home, they ask eagerly for the news that they missed.
Do you know how hard it was to tell my friend, that Durai did this?
Do you know how difficult it was to smile in the following silence?
On the surface we were cool; but in the heart there was violence?

Now we can't even trust the papers no mo'. Its all crap!
To get real news we read off other people's blogs or chat.
Like Rockson's. He's a blogger, like you and me.
But behind all that crudeness there's truth in his story.
Things that MediaCock and The Shit Times don't dare to cover
For fear that they'd be screwed by the government and sued over.
Democracy's about the Responsible Freedom of Speech.
If I flinch from the "Law" closing this blog as "Impeached"(hell i wish they did that)
Then believe not in this doctrine that I preach.
Well to conclude... I mean, hell, I don't know what to say.
Ah! Durai! I almost forgot! Fuck you, eat shit, go and die!
You know, I've hope that if you end up in jail... what a day!

The gays inside will play your backside every day and night...
Hooray.

2005-09-24T14:57:00.000-07:00

The Moneytree Authority of Singapore (MAS) launched a brand new Singapore Dollar bill, which has been named the "Peanut Series". Each peanut series bill is legal tender equivalent to 600,000 Singapore Dollars, henceforth known as 1 Peanut.

The CEO's across the Republic have been quick to applaud the launch of the 1 Peanut bill. In an interview with a Mr. Durai, a CEO of a philanthropic organisation, who wished to remain anonymous, he said, "Now I don't have to carry suitcases of money home. Prior to the issuing of the Peanut, I had to carry a whole suitcase of small change home every month. This is because the people who paid me tend to do so in small amounts, like $5 dollars each time, and it can be very irritating. Now I am just paid 1 Peanut with a single bill, slip it quickly into my wallet and off I go. It's very convenient!"

The reaction by the general public was however cool. Most said that it is unlikely that they will ever use a 1 Peanut bill. With an average national income of S$3000 (0.005 Peanut), the average Singaporean will need about 2 lifetimes to save a Peanut. Said a Mr. Tan, who is a plumber, "The other day, I installed a golden tap in some CEO's bathroom and he paid me using 1 Peanut for the $1000 golden tap. I tell him where got enough change?"

Watch out for the newest security features on the 1 Peanut note, including a new watermark which replaces the traditional lion head. The new watermark can only be seen under an intense bright light and close scrutiny because of its extreme lack of transparency.

According to a MAS spokesman, the added security features are extremely important given that 1 Peanut can probably buy three 4-room HDB flats, or 10 Nissan Sunnies, the average Singaporean will be very tempted to lay their hands on a Peanut."

2005-09-24T12:41:00.000-07:00

What Kind Of Gay Man Am I?

HAHAHA You wait man I tell my fellow bengs one day ah they sure pengsan!

Diam lah! As usual why don't you go try also?!

-sn0rt sNorT snoRt-

eh buey pai mah! Seriously man! not bad! But I prefer Char bor lah, of cos...

Senile old bitch.

2005-09-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

Criminal Brother

Man.

Talk about crap again. I'm so proud of my little brother. I wish I could give him a pat on the back right now.

That piece of dumb shit.

Well what did he do this time?

Remember the newspapers? Three guys got arrested for publishing racist blogs?

Yah, these people ah, nowadays bleddy boh liao, whole day cho bo lan in front of the komputer write funny stuff about udder races. I always thought my generation was the most cock-up one, come to your fudder-mudder generation even more cock up... budden come to your generation... wah liew. Sian.

Yeah. okay my brother's blog tio also man. He's the fourth guy but he's juvenile... Damn idiot. Now he's got to delete his blog, the school bought both the Muslim Koran/Qu'ran and a Christian Bible for him to read, and he's going to a Boy's Home for counselling, plus a public apology.

Si beh jia lat ah.... Then your lao peh lao bu how?

They quite okay lah, but my dad gotta see the principal and his counsellor... Shit man they call me up and lecture me never teach roger properly! What the hell! I live in a freakin hostel across this friggin country from home and I'm supposed to teach him respect for a multiracial society ah?

You Lao Hiah what. Biggest brother. Then whatever pang sai go to your siblings will all gravitate towards you one. Like you some shit-magnet or somethin-

Diam la! Nabeh!

Okay lah... liddat also pees-off awreddy. Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, next time he sure tio retribution himself one man.

How?

You see he go NS sure tio tekan by all the peepur in his regiment, whatever the skin colour. Cos Army peepur ah, all under the sun tan, Chinese become Malay, Malay become Indian, Indian become Chinese...

You talk what cock?!

You better advise him go toilet don't pick up the soap on the floor, his buttocks will tio javelin by everyone with broomstick or toilet scrub or...

Shut up lah!

Eh, Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, you better listen! You also involved.

Har?!

Stupid! You tell me before that you want to go Officer Cadet right?

Ya.

Your brudder two years younger than you right?

Yah, so?

Wah, damn bodoh. Next time his kakis want to hoot him, he point to you "Look! That's my Kor Kor!" wah, damn doolan...

^&$%$&^?!

At most they rape your brudder with a mop... You I dunno, probably on the cannon muzzle of the Bionix IFV. Nowadays ah tech-nology the more advanced, the more peepur suffer. Wah, see? Ted Hughes leh. Dun pray pray.

2005-09-20T01:10:00.000-07:00

What They Teach In Economics ~~Is Rubbish~~

Econs is hard-face it man. I'm gonna take my econs paper like next week and at this rate... I'm going to become a ~~Market~~ failure. I need some intervention here. Oei! Help can not?! Reading John Sloman is like >To Cow Play Piano<(translate that yourself.)

Simi taiji? Lim Peh senses a disturbance in the force. Don't kancheong and all will be fine...

Stop staring outside the window lah! You fall off, I'm just going to tell the papers that you're my maid and you died cleaning the windows..

Aiyah, see peepur on the beach boh cheng sar kor, only idiot dun want to see what. Wah, sui ah, see that one...damn tua liap...

Oi! I said i need help leh! cheekopek.

What? Economics ah? Wah lan eh, not easy sia! Need skill... Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, in exam, your economics case studies must be damn Tok Kong one...

Tok Kong! Then teach me lah dun just talk cock can?

Eh you watch your mouf ah. Bleddy boh tuah boh suay again I don't teach you you know!

Ok...fine.. quick help leh....

Listen! I give you case study! Eh... case study of ah... Chap Sar Tiam Secret Society! I member for my whole life, sure got insider information one..

!?Gangs got anything to do with economics?!

...Eh.. Of cos lah! I say you all study so much theory never apply also useless what! Real life more important. Thats why our Chap Sar Tiam towkay job application not easy to pass one know! Mush have at least a doctorate or a PhD in Economics! I tell you ah, now the new boss got triple degree, damn tok kong one! Degree in Law, so can teach us how to break it more often! Degree in social sciences, make Chap Sar Tiam the gang of choice for Ah Beng wannabes. Degree in Economics most important! "Small rich gang is better than a big poor gang" hear before not? Its in the Ah Beng Scriptures...

-peng-

If you wanna be an Ah Beng Officer, please bring your O level, A level and higher qualification certs...

Okokokokok... so whats with gangs and economics?

..Ahhh... Okay! You see ah, when we talk abour gangs here, we are talking about companies.

Har?! Must provide service what! Companies produce things, not meh?

Aiyah diam lah! Listen. We produce respect, then the neighbourhood respect us, then they pay us $$$ so that they buy respect.

Since when is 'respect' a demand?!

You try lah! Nabeh! You don't buy 'respect' from a gang in your area sooner or later they don't give you 'respect'! You want to buy and keep or don't want them to respect you, that's your problem man.

Got liddat one ah... What kind of service is this...

Yah. Actually ah, intervention or not, gahmen will never start gangs, cos they chicken what.

Okay... So its an ultra-private good...

And doesn't mean that if you don't pay up we won't come and knock on your door.

Eh... its like tax leh. You cannot choose not to pay, and if you don't pay you die. Hmm... Excludable. If you don't want to buy respect, then they won't give you respect. Like tax evasion...

Ahh.. correct! thats the way man. Plus if someone pay up right, the other person won't get to enjoy any less 'respect'.

Non-rivalry leh...

Ah! But the interesting part is here. to get 'respect' we must really be damn tok kong in our control of that area... Must have enough Ah Bengs and must arm them, beer bottles...Guns even better...

AH! Labour inputs! and capital inputs! MRP theory of wages! Eh how much do Ah Bengs earn?

Not much lah, but the gang provide a lot of services, like enjoyment lor..

Hmm... company benefits...

...but then again, we don't earn much...

Join trade union lah! NTUC! Can demand for higher wages!

See Gin Nah! You seow ah, you join trade union the gang keew you man! If you lucky they let you off u go work in your NTUC Fairprice ok!

Oh... man.. Trade Unions don't work...

You know why? I give you hint! Use your theory!

...because labour in a gang can be easily replaced with capital inputs?

Yes! thats why! Besides being a popular occupation ah, you think for yourself: One Ah Beng with a M16 assault rifle versus 10 Ah Kows with Beer bottles, who will win?

OH! now Wage Theory makes sense man! Wah you really should be an Econs teacher...

Haven' finish yet! Gangs got market structure summore!

Har? Got liddat one meh...

Nabeh! Of course lah!Use your brain! Think!

Okay... In the worldwide market of gangs.... Gangs are oligopolies? Or what?

Oligopoly lah! You see the top 3 Gangs in the world- The Mafia, The Yakuza, the Mob...

OH! They take up a large percentage of the global market share! In terms of money extorted or earned by selling drugs...etc..

Okay, but in the Singapore context how? Chap Sar Tiam is King okay!

Hmm... But still it cannot be a monopoly. Still got other gangs what... Oligopoly again lor.

No. I tell you monopoly means monopol-

Oligopoly liddat got non price competition right? Then theoretically gangs here should charge the same price for 'respect' what!

Correct.

But then why not charge higher price? You charge higher price, people can always go to other gangs to buy 'respect'-

Nao Hiah! You crazy ah? You try lah! I tell you, gangs in your area, you buy from them! Understand?

NATURAL MONOPOLY! By location!

See? I told you! that's why gangs are monopolies!

FINALLY YOU SHED SOME LIGHT ON ECONS! *SOB*

Eh you better stop hugging me ah or I make sure you shed some blood I tell you!

Funny, but monopolies are supposed to charge high prices and have low quantity leh....

AH! But look. When we control an area, we control that area. Correct?

Yeah, but-

When we control an area, our respect there no need to spend money to produce, cos can maintain, correct?

Hmm.... so?

So, our respect got zero cost, correct?

Yeah...

So we can charge high price and produce infinite 'respect' lah! Bodoh!

That's a lot of money!

Ahh... but must be careful. If you overcharge and make someone pay too much, is like overmilking a cow. First got cow got milk, then got cow no milk, then got cow got blood, then got blood no cow.

Oh...

If we happen to control geylang, then cannot charge alot. But if we control 2nd Avenue ah.... Shiok already.

Price discrimination!

Exactly! See? I told you man. But you see, on the context of the whole of Singapore we behave something like your Olly go Poly.

Non-price competition?

Yah. You know normal companies got price war right? You should see our version. Sibeh spectacular, better than WWF shows man. Bedden we don't like to fight-

Gangs try to avoid such competition!In price wars... all firms suffer!

Ah..... the essence of economics. And sometimes you see small gangs ah, they may not lose you know!

Cos they merge with other gangs?

AH! CORRECT! A cartel!

They enjoy Economies of Scale, hence lowering costs...

Now no longer use motorbike to rob bank already! Now they use a busload of gangsters, drive into Orchard road and everyone rob a different store! I rob 7-11 you go rob that bank! And if not enough shops to rob, we rob the peepur who cho boh lan walking around...

No wonder it makes sense...

You see ah last time, 3 people rob a bank. one driver, one lookout, one go rob. 3 peepur share where got money? Now ah, one driver, no need lookout, 40-50 robbers. Of course got money lah!

Damn... gang leaders must consider all these man...

See, I tell you already. The A level paper should test students on how even gangs got to do with your economics man.

Eh, thanks, but got something leh. You give so much information you not scared Chap Sar Tiam show you some 'respect ah'?

wah liew. dis time confirm die alreddy.

2005-09-18T00:58:00.000-07:00

A Letter to Ken

Hey man how you doing? I ain't seen you for ages
The last time I saw you it was in the yearbook pages
Look man. I don't know if you're still angry or not
What I'm saying, couple years back you were the only friend that I got
And I don't wanna remember those days when I was forced to say
The curt words wrong phrases things that I regret today
I been calling and trying and I'm tired of finding
Some phantom who hides and pretends that he died
Look man. Let's get back to what we were first-
Remember the rap acts? That was how we conversed
And the films and the shows and the games that we played
All these shit that we did-Are those memories dead?
Just wait a moment. No don't answer that question
I know your answer- I don't wanna hear you say 'em
Its not that I'm weak and I don't wanna hear you admit
Deep down you know you don't mean the shit that you speak
That's why we hate each other, we can't even pretend to trust
So much so that we go verbally kickin' each others' arse
Then you go a lil step more and do something never done before
You go and employ a common reject to work as your whore
He does the dirty business and you don't take the blame
Nothing more than a toy soldier, built to drive me insane
You paid him acceptance and-poof!- a puppet was born
He did your bidding and might as well revoke his name Jon
It's sad everytime I see you switch on that bugger
Held some remote control and acted like you were his brother
Man, if you wanted you could make him self-destruct
But that's yours and his business. Do I even I give a f***?
Now man, now don't get me wrong, listen carefully and hear thus:
The purpose of this is not mainly to rekindle and dig up the past
It's to show you the receiving end of a gun-my perspective
Of having your best friend load it and cock it and the trigger active
You ever thought of that? No? Well I'm not surprised
It's not just your fault. We're both unfeeling. We're both guys
And I know what I did, I don't have to put my part down
Don't tell me what I did was any worse, pound for pound.
I spent 10 percent of my time engaging in politics with you
And 90 percent of it dealing with the faggot you-know-who
Apologies, man. I just can't help it sometimes, though its past
I don't hate you but you left your toy soldier still stuck on my ass
Our Cold War's over, you don't need your weapons for fighting
For heaven's sake, pick him off or flick him off or something
Since the hatred between us, at least on my side, is gone
Can't you see that you no longer need Jon?
Now back to us. Drop the puppet. Let him cry and bitch
We got our own matters and old wounds to stitch.
I say we find the chance and work together again
Forget the crap forget the past forget all the pain
We inflicted on each other, forget the shame
Let the hatred grow small, shimmer and wane
Just like how we used to rock on, two fingers, one thumb
Turn on your Red Hot Chilli Peppers heck care and just jump
Skate and ollie in your garden, pop and squash the grass
Shoot each other with your PS, leaving the tinkling of brass
Like playing counterstrike, We're both outta ammo, all gone
Maybe we died, then like our friendship, it'll respawn
Now lastly for being such a jackass and for all the stuff you do
Most important point here, Ken -listen- Fucks to you =)

Crazy fellow! Amost 17 still like some bleddy char bor sentimental until liddat! Whats with young tah por kia nowadays ah? Chao ah kua!

Shuddafargarp.

2005-09-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

Puakz talks about Hell.

This isn't just some kind of random feeling that comes to you all of a sudden and then for a while you just feel like the juiciest maggot on Earth.

My prophesized plight is indeed supported by multiple reasons. All of them support the fact that I am going to Hell.

Firstly, I was recalling some list of the Seven Deadly Sins listed in the bible with the help of someone else. Pride. Greed. Envy. Lust. Anger. Gluttony. Sloth. I mean hey, these look like pretty basic stuff but Pride? Well... yeah, a little, at least... Greed? Hmm... maybe not that greedy but yes sometimes...Envy? Sometimes, but envy nonetheless....Lust? Not as bad as some people, such as my duo partner... but I'm not completely void of lust, so a tick there.... Anger? Man, at least once everyday when some muthafugga's hoggin the internet in VH. Gluttony? I die for lasagna. Next. Sloth... no way, I sleep an average of 3-4 hours a day... but burn the hours away.

Ahhh man, I see seven ticks. Looking at the seven ticks I realize that I'm a chronic sinner too. Mannn... Well then the Bible says I am, regardless of the size, significance, presence of externality, depth or seriousness, I'm still a sinner. Plus. I Like Beer(Thou Shalt Not Drink Beer. I'm screwed extra).

Simply put, I'm fucked. From the extent of my situation alone, there's more than enough reason to invent Hell (Kudos to God) and then run it (Kudos to the Devil)and populate it(Kudos to maggots like you and me).

Man.

Instinctively, when I realize that it's a pretty bleak situation, my mind races to find a counterbalance (e.g. some reasons why I won't go to Hell), then it quickly realizes that it has committed yet another unspoken Sin (Thou Shalt Not Make Excuses. Yet another qualification that will bring me through the Gates of Hell.)

I shall think of something else.

1) There are religions which state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

2) Here we make an assumption that all religions stand equal.

3) Since there are more than two of such religions and each person may be devoted to no more than one such religion,

4)Everybody will go to Hell.

Yep, that includes me, hence I realize that yet another hypothesis substantiates my rightful place Down Under.

Now that it is undeniable that I will, at some point in time go to Hell and attain permanent residence. Instead of whining that I am not too thrilled to sign my Contract of Rehabilitation, Agony and Pain (C.R.A.P.) in Hell, I should instead prepare to make the best out of my shortlisted involuntary application to Hell.

Now all you maggots out there, it'll be useful for you to read on because ultimately, all of you are coming with me. If we can't prevent the fact that we're all going to Hell without the abolishment of thousands of religions worldwide, and that we can't make our prospect of going to Heaven any better, we can try to instead make Hell a better place for all to live in.

1) The Introduction of Democracy in Hell. As members of Hell, we have the right to oust out the current Monarchy and remove the Devil from his seat of power. For the sake of fairness, we shall use the system of voting to decide whether we shall follow Communism or Democracy. Assuming we fix the votes to favour the latter, we shall than democratically elect our leaders, upon whom we shall trust and count on to make Hell a better place for all to live in. To differentiate the new system from the replace Monarchy, each section of Hell should send in representatives who would form the Council of the Damned, who will advise and hold power over the President of Hell. For example, the section of Hell containing all the murderers shall send in the ultimate murderer; the section containing all the liars would send in an ex-chairman of some National Kidney Foundation; the section containing all the terrorists would probably send in George Bush. In the case whereby the crimes of any individual such as the latter mentioned may be heinous enough to condescend, for example, all three boundaries (A murderer-cum-liar-cum-terrorist), he may be promoted to the post of the Damnednest Shitbag of the Dead.

2) The Introduction of Air-conditioning in Hell.
Once again, as members of Hell, I urge you all to submit a proposal to the Council of the Damned to improve your hellish living conditions by importing some Meatsubishi and DieKin air conditioners for exclusive use in Hell, simply because if more and more people migrate to Hell at its current temperature, all Hell will break loose.

3) The Revision of the Contract of Rehabilitation, Agony and Pain (C.R.A.P.)
Such a Contract is a pain to sign, and really it should be left out. There should be a day whereby all citizens can throw their C.R.A.P. back at the top leaders of Hell. It could be changed to be "Cider, Rum, Ale and Puakz's beer mix". Everyone would be drinking and downing their C.R.A.P. happily.

4) A Telephone System in Hell.
A telephone system will be useful for the citizens of Hell, as they may call up their loved ones they left behind in the lousy world of the Living and brag like hell about Hell. This is also to convince their relatives that Hell is a pretty good choice, given the fact that they ain't have much choice anyway. Plus, A telephone system in Hell will allow the Council of the Damned and the Damnednest Maggot of the Dead to contact God for diplomatic purposes. Anyway, the use of such a system is to get more and more people to...

5) Go To Hell. (Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.)
...Well it speaks for itself. Hell would become the #1 property consumer choice afterlife resort, complete with all sorts of hellish B.S.

Yayness=>

-puAkz-

2005-09-12T07:05:00.000-07:00

Fun Things to Do in the VH lifts

EH Chewrens!Lim Peh here.

Lim Peh ka li kong, this bleddy hostel the lifts damn fun one.

Unlike HDB lifts with all kinds of detectors, these are really clean.(of detectors.)

Again, when Puakz goes to school I damn sian, so I cant cho bo lan right? Better do something constructive.
So play with lifts lor. A list of must Dos(Edited with Cocksford Hokkien-to-Enngrish translation):

1) Dress like Satan, stand inside. When little chewren come in, turn to them... "Going down?"

2) Exchange lift buttons 'close door' with 'open door'. Make chewren sabo each other.

3) Classic: Pang Jio in the lift. Eat lots of tofu and soyabean the day before and dont drink water for maximum effect.

4) Karchiaow the 'Door Closing' sounds with 'Door Opening' sounds. Maximum confusion effect when combined with #2. PRCs will think their English getting from bad to worse.

5) Or, make the speaker go 'MWAHHAHAHAHHAHAA!" instead of "Storey 1."

6) Spraypaint "Pok Kai Kia apartment #09-01 OWE $$ RETURN $$" on the insides on the double-door elevator for best effects when the doors pen and close.

7) Link the speakers wirelessly to Puakz's laptop and a microphone. Randomly moan "I'm thirsty... soooo thirsty..." or "Why are you stepping on my dress", preferably in Hokkien or Chinese.

8) Take someone's picture, dress like MIB and question anyone who comes in "Have you seen him before?" Even better when that someone in the picture is the someone yu are questioning.

9) Set up an audio system in the lift and groove when the doors open. Get them to join in.

10) Install fire extinguishing water sprinklers next to a light bulb on the top.

11) Stick a poster with someone's face on it. "Lost pet-Have you seen this dog? Please call SPCA"

12) Dress like Morpheus, push a sofa into the lift and sit on it facing the door, perfectly aligned. Take two different Panadol pills. "You may take the White pill of the Pink pill." If they reply, give them The Finger and then close the door.

2005-09-12T04:47:00.000-07:00

Back to VSHostel
Man. It's back to the hostel for another gruelling term. ~~yayness.~~
Well, I do hope that that bleddy old cheekopek isn't fooling around with my Japanese neighbour's six year old daughter next door.
Heck, come to think of it, I kinda miss him.
Man.

Oi! You think I died ah? Si Gin Na, if I can survive WW2 I can survive your bleddy hospitality, okay!

*WTF?!*

What, why you forever see me then gimme that Kiam Pa face?! Damn du lan man!

*OMFG*

What, never see old man before meh? Wah Lao! Oi! Stop staring lah! You gay ah?!

*WHAT THE HELL?!*

Eh look, your neighbour little girl everytime see me cry and run away, she's crazy! Your house there full of crazy peepur! Your downstairs that granny also stalk me! Siao char bor! Later I tio molested how? Your ang moh neighbour also freaking scary, whole day smile at me say good morning! Nao Hiah, your neighbourhood people all bleddy senile I tell you!

*What. Are. You. Doing. In. My. Hostel. Room.*

Eh what if that ang moh guy is some mafia leader, then he think I'm Chap Sar Tiam gang leader and try to assassinate me? I'm still young I dont wanna die man! Mafia got bombs damn tua liap, more tua liap then the Batam-

Three.

Really, so tua liap, when it asplode like twenty million ah lians same time fart-

Two.

Ah... Nim peh ka li kong, you count to One, I get my new Mafia kakis to asplode you with their most tua liap-

One.

OKokok.... dun pray le dun pray le... put that fork down... just don't use the fork... I so old le you bear to fork me until I die?...Aiyah just that your neighbourhood bleddy sian lah! Here more comfortable.

...

Eh! Si noong Kia! Peepur triple your age wanna stay where you dont ji seow okay! Nabeh! U b careful ah, later I get my kakis hang so many pig body parts, your house will become the most Un-halal place in the world okay!

Fine, go ahead, stay!

K, I nice abit, nowadays ah, must give and take... little suckers. Where I sleep? This bed ah?(points at vacant bed.)

Outside. (Thumbs the door)

Until now still trying to be farnie ah? Anyway you don't worry I brought my luggage. I just threw away some of your pang sai in that bag and stuff in some of my own...tam poh only. not much, dun worry...

OH NO MY SCHOOL PANTS ARE ALL GONE

Huh? Then don't wear go school lah! Like I last time liddat, wah I tell you, last time I liddat walk into teacher's room ah, all the teachers ~~pengsan~~ kowtow ah!

YOU REPLACED MY PANTS WITH YOUR MAGAZINES

Yeah man, wah I remember when I first came across these ah, I was determined that no chewrens should read these stuff. So if I bought all the issues at a magazine shop then the chewrens won't be able to buy them. Damn tok kong right?

WHAT IS THIS.

Its called a bra, you never see before ah? Eh nowadays its the in thing, very happening to own one.. I see your hostel room window face the beach, must make sure lots of peepur see this hanging from your window. Wah I can't believe it man. This kind of thing you dunno... damn suakoo.

I HAVE EXAMS TOMORROW.

Exam? When you go without pants the teacher won't look, sure can kup answers... See I told you, its all for your own good.

I WANT TO REMOVE YOUR KIDNEYS.

What for? Kidneys nowadays so cheap.... I can give you peanuts if you want, Gahmen say nowadays peanuts $600,000, two can get you a Lambourghini... eh cool down lah. I think your pants in the rubbish dump somewhere... I'll get it for you lah. Sorry lah!Wah lan, nowadays peepur become famous by taking their pants off and running around soccer fields... you bleddy chewrens just can't appreciate man...

*BREATHE*Sigh. Just go and get them. Just... Just go.

Wah! Boh Tua Boh Suay again! Lose your pants want me to go take for you ah? You take me for what, your girlfriend? You Tang Koo Koo ah! Go get it yourself! Chewren like you never appreciate what elders do for you. For you I din bring my lai kor. For you. I'm going to have to live for weeks without Lai Kor.

*BREATHE* Okay. Fine. How are you going to stay here without...

Undies? It's okay, grandfather-like peepur like me know how to take care of ourselves, you don't worry.

.....

Grandchewrens over Grandparents.

.....

So I decided, i'll just share with you lah.

2005-09-11T02:53:00.000-07:00

Which Greek God Are You?

...Wah damn. Am I that deadly? Come on man, not necessarily as negative as it sounds...

wah nabeh! haha you sibeh jia lat leh. Wait a while, I take the quiz also. Sure get some Zeus or dunno what one.

Aphrodite/Eros

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by

haha you bleddy Chikopek:)

EH! I'm sexy. Nothing wrong with that k, si noong kia..

2005-09-10T23:37:00.001-07:00

The Oresteia
Puakz:
No doubt, Greek mythology is cool and such, but the most difficult part of writing an essay about Greek Theatre conventions and such is how to start it all off.

The logical way of doing this 'correctly' is to firstly consider the various proven(and unproven) methods of starting off an essay.

The Old Gangster: Wah liew, even an uncultured ah beng like me also like the greeks ah. Especially the part whereby the Greeks are a really horny bunch of people, man. Makes you wish you were born 2500 years earlier and start a Chap Sar Tiam Gang of Greeks there sia...

...Erhem. Don't pay attention to him, he's uttering rubbish-

(mutters)...Nowadays chewren like you damn boh tua boh suay...

ANYWAY. Considering the possible methods of starting off the essay. First to mind is the:

The Conventional style.
The conventional style means a boring, down to earth method. On its own its easy to write. The conventional style will read something like, "There are many characteristics of Greek Theatre. These characteristics differentiate the Grecian Theatre from almost any other theatre worldwide....."
Imagine, if a teacher marks 40 such essays in a night, its the equivilent to eating 40 sleeping pills in a night.The obvious reaction to this is-

Suicide ah! But eat pills liddat... Only get floating sensation, buey song! Must eat pills then jump summore! Get floating AND flying sensation! Damn song!

...suicide. Yep. However it still depends on how the marker mark the paper. If a person bent on suicide takes all 40 pills at once, well then, he's off to the Golden Gates of the Himalayas...and so will a marker who rushes through all the essays.
But if the marker marks with more scrutiny and effort, hence taking more time between each paper (like a person taking more time before each consecutive pill), Results May Vary.
AN e.g. of such markers are Mr Harris.
Imagine a person who takes a sleeping pill at 5 minute intervals, only stopping when he takes 40 pills. (That's over 3 hours of pill-taking.)
It's a physiological torment, to say at the least-

Si mi si 'physiological'? ....Nabeh! You think you ang mor better than me can come ji seow me ah?! I talk more cock than you eat rice, better show me some res-pect okay!

i offer my most sympathetic apologi-

Nao Hiah! One more time, somebody gonna get hurt real bad...

Ok ok.. shhh... S.O.R.R.Y. now lets move on.
We can also do the freakin essay, starting with

The Uncensored Approach.
The uncensored approach was inspired by the infamous Makoto Incident, whereby he alledgedly started a TSD essay with "Lets get f***ing started!".
And if you're not familiar which essay it was, it was the mid year examination paper we're talking about.
This is a surefire way to wake the marking personnel up, rather like taking Viagra.
Consider taking almost 40 Viagra pills all at one shot.
Whether you take it all at once or in 5 minute intervals, thou art going to be a big problem.

Siao! My doctor sucks man. I ask him gimme Viagra he only gimme 5! Si beh dulan sia! Become teacher everyday can get 40 pills ah?! I wanna become a teacher also, can not? Gahmen say not enough teachers right?

Okok... Shhh... I'm writing an entry here to help out all my homies... Anyway.

The Professional Approach.
The professional approach is like, well, conventional, but with an increase in the sense of 'formality' and a decrease in the sense of 'humour'. Hence, "Ancient Grecian Theatre, boldly characterized by multiple conventions which did not survive to manifest in almost any other variant of theatrical arts....."
It's 10% content and 90% farce.

Ahh... A Chiminological Necessity... Like when we elect gang leader ah, the clan-didate must talk more cock and make less sense, then sure win one... Gahmen also not so different, So actually it's a Big World of Gangs. The Tua Pai Kia is George Bush lah...

...Well I agree with the chiminology part, but the government part-ah heck, lemme finish this will you?!

Ok, ok.. fine... Read my lips: No More Interruptions.

Yeah, that's abourrit. As in, yeah, these are the three main ways of starting off an essay-

OEI! WAIT! One more one more..

Wait a moment, you promised you won't-

Shut up lah! Don't interrupt when other people speaking okay. Damn boh tua boh suay.

...

I tell you ah, being a gangster not so bad one, you know everything a little bit more. Biology students learn about red blood cells right, we accherly collect samples of them on broken glass bottles. Si noong kias like Puakz learn abour Sexual Discrimination affecting Wage Rates in Economics, we learn about Discriminating Economical rates of-

ERHEM.

Okok... The last method my Lao Peh Lao Bu teach is

The Lim Peh Ka Li Kong Approach.
Its easy, really. Example. "Lim peh ka li kong, the Greeks si buey power one. Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, whatever they teach you abour the Greeks is wrong. The correct way of studying the Greeks, I know but I won't tell you. Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, since I know, and you know that I know, and I know that you don't know, and cos I kill more peepur than you pang sai, I deserve a straight A for my essay, or Lim Peh Ka li Kong, you will be the next tragedy. Lim peh will get all my kakis and hoot you upside down...."

You get it lah. Lim Peh Ka Li Kong, This is the best way to start, continue, and complete your dulan essay. If you don't believe me, I will get my Kakis o hoot you upside down, and Lim peh ka li kong, you will become the next tragedy-

*NOTE: Entry ended with an forced disconnection by the Blogger.*

2005-09-09T01:00:00.000-07:00

Puakz and The Old Gangster argues over blogging

Puakz: "Eh, what the heck you doing in my blog?"
Old Gangster: " I wanna learn lah. Whats your password ah?"
Puakz: "I'm never gonna give you man! Don't talk cock!"
Old Gangster: " What! You dare to disobey Lim Nao Hiah?!"
Puakz: " ...No lah, I just scared that you deface it lor."
Old Gangster: " What deface? Help you upload pictures of Char Bor."
Puakz: " Kao!You mad ah? Pek chek man, why I so suay one?!"
Old Gangster: " Eh why you whole day so buay song...I damn dulan."
Puakz: " K lah...Just don't upload your pics.. Better not or else!"
Puakz: " In all your pics you look like some gangster from Hell."
Old Gangster: " Nabeh! still got restriction ah?! Damn gay!"
Old Gangster: " Si Geen Na! Nowadays kids damn boh tua boh suay!"

(If a group of monkeys given an infinite amount of time and a typewriter can create the complete works of Shakespeare...

I don't see why this material won't be studied in the future by students just as we study Chaucer.)

2005-09-08T21:34:00.000-07:00

The Initial Encounter

Puakz was walking around in the local airport when he turns around after getting a tap on the shoulder.For some reason his instincts said he shouldn't, but well, he turned around."Eh brother! Jin jia ku never see you already man! Your Lao Peh Lao Bu hoh boh?!" "Eh..hi. Where you come from ah?""Si noong kia, Singapore lah! Abburden?!""No, you just came out from the departure gates, yeah? Where you holiday?""Wah lan, you think lim nao hiah go batam chor bo lan ah?!Holiday like free ah?! I hear that the kuay there better than local one. So I go on a business research trip, try to improve the local kuay business..""Okay...you going home now? Where do you live?""Uh? Me? Si noong kia, ask this kind of questions... If my house burn down I sure get my kakis all come and find you...eh.. wah er... where I live ah?""Huh? You can't remember where you live?""Aiyah, heck.. ya. Eh! Y u staring at me?! Nao Hiah! People older than you by generations you don't look at me like that I sue you you know!...""?!""..k lah, see you underage..tell you what I wont sue you lah. But then I'll just stay at your place first, later when I remember where i stay den I go...""Eh wait a momen-""Diam lah! peepur give you chance you appreciate okay. We the older generation got you dis airport, don't tell me where I cant go! Wah nowadays... young people.. Damn boh tua boh suay...""....""Stand there jio char bor ah?! Move lah! Si geen nah!"And hence Puakz brought the retired Ah Beng home.